I know a fella who....

[johnnytodd]

Post your funny stories about friends,family and work mates.......

a lad i know Dean came in from work one day and his mrs told him that the next door neighbour who lived alone had a man round for the first time in months........she could here them at it all afternoon groaning and screaming.

So the next week this lad was off with flu and spotted a bloke walking up next doors path and guessed another session was on the cards......

He goes upstairs and put a fresh battery in his hearing aid and put his ear to the wall.........he also took the other hearing aid out of his ear not at the wall....apparently he his tone deaf without a hearing aid... anyway as he listening he heard the woman next door say to the bloke " is £100 ok for half an hour " and Dean then knew that the bloke was a male escort.

Anyway the next door neighbour said to the escort can i call you Dean during sex as it's the name of my neighbour who i'd love to shag........Dean was now buzzing as he always fancied her himself.

As Dean is listening at the wall he got aroused and dropped his pants to tug one off , he heard the woman groaning during sex shouting .....oh Dean Dean yes yes

Boxers round ankles he started to spank the monkey and just at the vinegar strokes Deans wife walks in the bedroom with a lempsip and catches him spunking everywhere

true story

 

[Dr Mantis Toboggan]

that never happened

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

true story

that never happened

Err...

 

[T.A]

You're Dean.

Case closed.

 

[Bottega Don]

One of my mates was getting ready to take his girlfriend to prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

 

[RavenBish]

Sounds like it was all worth it then.

 

[Craig]

This girl I've recently started seeing made a strange request one of the days I went round the hers. Basically I went round for a bit of Netflix and chill one night. We were looking for a film when she started telling me about her weird neighbour Dean, apparently Dean is a bit of a creep and she often catches him staring at her while she's hanging out the washing or doing the gardening. She was also pretty sure he's been listening in on her through the wall. So she suggests a little role playing, being the kinky bastard that I am I agreed. So she says we'll go to the bedroom and you pretend to be an escort and I'll ask you to call me Dean during sex, so we do, and I drill the shit out of her and all the while she's screaming Dean's name. Right as I'm finishing up we hear shouting from next door. Seems Dean was caught red handed by his missus.

 

[ZianfrancoGoal]

my c̶o̶u̶s̶i̶n̶ mate (let's call him "P") once walked in on his dad (le'ts call him "d" (d for dad)) arguing with his mum in the bedroom about the lady next door. d didn't have any trousers on. to get rid of him, his dad dean said "yes yes peter go ahead and use my tablet" (he isn't normally allowed to go on internet) so he used his tablet to go on the one football forums

 

[blade1889]

I once saw a guy who supported Donald Trump. I wondered why and then I saw him spell 'here' instead of 'hear' and it all made sense.

 

[silkyman]

Something about a wank, headphones, closed eyes and a cup of tea?

 

[Stevencc]

I once knew a guy who, as a rebellious teenager, farted on his mum's copy of the bible and got in trouble for it.

 

[sl1k]

Well I once knew a rebellious teen who was honour killed for committing a similar act, thrown off the rooftop like a gay so I'm sorry if I don't find that particularly funny.

 

[johnnytodd]

sheltered lives you lot