Funniest thing you've heard/seen at a match

[Ravey 28]

This thread is inspired by a memory I have of my late Grandad, who shouted 'get a face Beardsley' right at him when we were playing Newcastle in the prem, back in 94. He must have been nearly 80 at the time. Priceless; and still one of the funniest things I've heard at a game. Maybe you had to be there, but it was hilarious to me, a young 12 year old at the time.

Yours is?

 

[Scumarmy.]

Oldham Athletic at Stadium:MK.

 

[valefan16]

Probably away at Fleetwood when we won 5-2 on the scoreboard they planned to a member of the home crowd who looked like Harry Potter cue 1200 Valiants chanting one Harry Potter! Must have felt awkward for the chap!

 

[Heisenberg20]

This woman who supported Swindon last month going bonkers in the 2nd half kissing her badge etc etc was like an episode of Jeremy Kyle she was going mental

 

[Topher]

someone here ralphed on the person sat in front of them once but I didn't see it

 

[Richard Cranium]

The funniest thing for me was in 10/11 season some lad sat infront of me got him to give the linesmen some abuse as you do after about his 15th shite decision of the game and he just shouted "Linesmen get some new eyes" I couldn't watch the last 10 minutes of that game!

A very early memory for me was infact I think only my 2nd game watching Mansfield, Where I used to sit with my Dad was the first row back behind the disabled section and all game this Women, who must have been 70 at least was swearing like there was no tomorrow. At 9 years old I found that hilarious, There was also a guy who used to sit just infront of that section who used to come in and proper dance to the songs, Everyone loved him. He was better than the Pre match entertainment, He sadly passed away about 3 years ago but he really did love Mansfield Town!

Got to be a special mention to some lass at the back of our stand behind the goal who once got wiped out twice in the same game during the warm up by stray shots!

 

[Richard Cranium]

Oh and during a pre season friendly with Forest once some trampy women got told she couldn't enter the away end, and then spent the entire second half falling over in the car park until she eventually lifted her top and showed her tits to half the Upper tier and the few Forest fans who were trying to have a look what was going on behind.

 

[Bottega Don]

I got the funniest one lads.

Get this...we once thought Jennision Myrie Williams was a footballer

 

[The Alex]

Few years ago, players doing their warm ups hitting shots at the goal, it was at the time we had Anthony Elding, the world's worst footballer. He fired a shot and obviously he missed the empty target from about 15 yards, it then hits this lads pie he was eating, it splatters out of his hands all over himself and on the steps behind him, prompting a huge cheer from the crowd and leaving the lad very embarrassed. Elding just laughed the cock.

By the way, it was me.

 

[Pliny Harris]

Quite a few, but one that currently stands out is at Mossley for a friendly four years ago. There's a fairly worn looking Town fan with a moustache and boxer's nose who cracks me up quite a lot, who sometimes brings along a little blonde boy and girl who look completely unrelated to him. During the second half at Mossley he picked on the linesman stood in front of him throughout. Towards the end of the match he just announced to his kids, "Children! Tell the linesman to do his job properly!" and the kids immediately responded in perfect unison with a cheerful "LINESMAN! DO YOUR JOB PROPERRRLEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" Must've broken the lad.

 

[TomPNE94]

Pitch invasion against Chesterfield a couple of weeks ago, I waited a minute while the rush cleared at the bottom of the stand and leisurely made my way to the pitch.

All of a sudden, a huge fat woman comes bundling past me at top speed and just as she gets onto the grass she decks it and lands on her face. Fucking hilarious. I just pointed and laughed as I walked past.

 

[Mr Elmo]

Had a guy near us shout some very interesting insults one time

"Come on Sammon, ya potato"
"Pull your trousers up ya tart"

 

[JJH]

Last year against Rovers, massive push down the steps to get on the pitch, and we were about 6 rows down, and one person fell, and it was like dominoes, down went everyone - and one fat bloke in-particular fell straight into the back of my mate and he went absolutely fucking flying. He got sent over 3 rows of seats, and was only stopped by him absolutely smashing his shin on the big pole that used to hold up the East End roof.

I was in tears, and carried on going to the pitch not thinking much of it, until I met him after the game and his shin had a lump the side of my forehead coming out of it

 

[JJH]

The Dean Cox 'handball' infront of the Williams was quite amusing as well.

 

[TimeyWimey]

Few years ago, players doing their warm ups hitting shots at the goal, it was at the time we had Anthony Elding, the world's worst footballer. He fired a shot and obviously he missed the empty target from about 15 yards, it then hits this lads pie he was eating, it splatters out of his hands all over himself and on the steps behind him, prompting a huge cheer from the crowd and leaving the lad very embarrassed. Elding just laughed the cock.

By the way, it was me.

I vaguely recall that. Also in the last couple of years some girl having to be treated by paramedics after getting smacked on the head by a stray ball in warm up (can't remember the player). That was definitely not funny... much.

My personal fav is Everton away in the FA Cup in 2002. Some day-tripper to our long serving player, (future) captain and hero Kenny Lunt. "Come on number four!".

 

[RavenBish]

 

[markpvfc]

My mum's been hit 4 or 5 times by stray balls at matches, last season a Louis Dodds shot knocked a cup of coffee out of her hand. It's as though she has a built in magnet that attracts them.
A few years ago at Cheltenham a guy was walking up the stairs to his seat before the game when a shot nailed him on the back of the head, knocking him over and sending his drink and pie flying.

 

[JaseTheVillain]

His arms don't seem to fit his body properly.

 

[THE TERRACEMAN]

Was at Wembley with Albion in the 1987 FA Trophy final when one of the lads, "Maggot" was his nickname, lost his top set of false teeth on the terraces during some song, we didn't see him again for about 20 minutes, eventually he resurfaced about 20 yards down the packed terrace, jumped up in the air and shouted "fount em" and promptly put them straight back in his mouth! Made his way back and carried on singing, true trooper Maggot !
Once at the old Eton Park ground some Albion fan was giving a South Liverpool player loads of abuse for kicking lumps out of our centre forward, the player shouted to the bloke " if you were man enough you would do something about it" the bloke suddenly got onto the pitch and decked the player !
Also many years ago in none league a referee hadn't booked any of the away team for persistent fouling, Albion fans were giving him plenty of grief, a supporter who I know and is still attending ran onto the pitch with a pencil and sharpener(book and pencil in those days) and gave them to the ref !

 

[PrestonCha]

This, hands down: Burnley go 2-0 up, streaker appears from the Longside with "2-0" written on his arse.
Starts mooning our fans, before setting off on his merry way across the pitch.....

Their mascott Bertie Bee appears from 'outta nowhere' and ploughs straight into his naked torso, sending his cock & bollocks flapping through the cold night air.

Bertie Bee then casually gets up to a chorus of cheering, and starts doing 'the worm'

 

[RavenBish]

My mum's been hit 4 or 5 times by stray balls at matches, last season a Louis Dodds shot knocked a cup of coffee out of her hand. It's as though she has a built in magnet that attracts them.
A few years ago at Cheltenham a guy was walking up the stairs to his seat before the game when a shot nailed him on the back of the head, knocking him over and sending his drink and pie flying.

Remember when I was younger, before the game, Steve Mildenhall twatted a shot at goal and it fucking smacked a kid who must have been about 6 square in the face, he had a hot chocolate and some chips that just went everywhere. Mildenhall came sprinting over and the kid was in floods of tears, must have stung something horrible so Mildenhall hoists him up and carries him across the pitch and down the tunnel while this lad's Dad stayed in the stand and about 10/15 minutes later he emerges back out from the tunnel with the kid holding a signed ball (or pair of gloves, it was ages ago and pre-match I was too busy eating sweets) and a new hot chocolate and cone of chips.

I thought that was pretty cool considering you normally get the apologetic half-arsed wave of the hand from most players. I think some bloke shouted 'can you aim for my kid next week Stevey?' too.

 

[T.A]

This, hands down: Burnley go 2-0 up, streaker appears from the Longside with "2-0" written on his arse.
Starts mooning our fans, before setting off on his merry way across the pitch.....

Their mascott Bertie Bee appears from 'outta nowhere' and ploughs straight into his naked torso, sending his cock & bollocks flapping through the cold night air.

Bertie Bee then casually gets up to a chorus of cheering, and starts doing 'the worm'

I think that might be the best YouTube video I've ever seen.

 

[GFCSludge]

At least fifteen years ago a wayward shot towards our old Rainham End obliterated the ancient guttering sending a deluge consisting of 20 years of accumulated moss, water, bird shit and general detritus pouring all over a couple of poor sods standing directly below.

Additionally, Boxing Day 2000 at home versus Palace and the corpulent figure of Neil Ruddock received dogs abuse all game while warming up as a substitute. Five minutes after waddling into the fray, Palace were awarded a penalty. Big Razor shoved aside the regular penalty taker, keen to get the fans back for their taunts......he missed and Palace went on to lose 4-1, his every touch greeted with howls of laughter.

 

[Luke_ciderhead]

An old granny at Rotherham who got increasingly wound up by our fans, eventually she snapped and lobbed a pie at us. Hit some poor kid in the face and the granny got chucked out.

 

[SaddlerJonny]

There are so many, ("lets be quiet they're trying to think", Linesman abuse, banter with opposition players) but I can never seem to remember them when I want to, I just get reminded of them during games. The only one that comes to my head was at Port Vale away a couple seasons ago where our fans chanted "Don't be nasty show us your pasty" at some ladies carrying boxes of food to be bought at half time. I was in stitches, they seemed to enjoy the attention so it was all fun.

It's mainly the small things that I find the funniest. I think it was Sheffield United at home this season where we were 1 nil down, and we can't score goals, especially at home. We were all fed up and had written the game off, we were shite. But the ginger Mourinho has a trick up his sleeve, and subs on the greatest finisher he's ever seen, Ashley Grimes. In unision as his name was announced, a great big and load roar of groaning came from more than half of our fans. I had a good little giggle at that.

He only then went on to head in the equaliser an all!

I read a book a year ago that has lot's of stories like the ones in this thread, it's called "The Away End", proper funny book. I recommend it to all away fans.

 

[Coalite]

Too many to mention, but this is definitely up there:

 

[JaseTheVillain]

There are so many, ("lets be quiet they're trying to think", Linesman abuse, banter with opposition players) but I can never seem to remember them when I want to, I just get reminded of them during games. The only one that comes to my head was at Port Vale away a couple seasons ago where our fans chanted "Don't be nasty show us your pasty" at some ladies carrying boxes of food to be bought at half time. I was in stitches, they seemed to enjoy the attention so it was all fun.

It's mainly the small things that I find the funniest. I think it was Sheffield United at home this season where we were 1 nil down, and we can't score goals, especially at home. We were all fed up and had written the game off, we were shite. But the ginger Mourinho has a trick up his sleeve, and subs on the greatest finisher he's ever seen, Ashley Grimes. In unision as his name was announced, a great big and load roar of groaning came from more than half of our fans. I had a good little giggle at that.

He only then went on to head in the equaliser an all!

I read a book a year ago that has lot's of stories like the ones in this thread, it's called "The Away End", proper funny book. I recommend it to all away fans.

Can't believe a Walsall fan has posted here, and not a mention of Clayton Ince's dancing!?

 

[SaddlerJonny]

Can't believe a Walsall fan has posted here, and not a mention of Clayton Ince's dancing!?

I didn't attend as much when Ince'y was playing, I remember his hats though when the sun was in his eyes that almost never seemed to help!

 

[Big Bird]

Few Town fans shouting alcohol related abuse at Paul Merson at the Bescot circa 2004. He runs over to take a corner and screams "who's gonna buy me a drink then?!' with a big smile on his face. Hero.

 

[TrinidadsNumberOne]

One of our 70+ year old fans being refused entry at Accrington for being ratarsed. He then proceeded to fall asleep in a nearby skip, cue heavy rain throughout the duration of the match.

What a trooper.