Nightmare Neighbours - have you ever had one?

[Luke Imp]

The only one I can recall us having was when a guy from the village stuck a letter through the door at 10pm on a Sunday night, who was trying to claim part of our garden as his bit of land. That one got nipped in the bud promptly.

Luckily for us, we don't have any neighbours as such, though. We're tucked out the way.

 

[Leo]

Are the walls in Europe made of paper!?

Just imagine the fun if they were polythene.....

 

[George Reilly's Hairpiece]

A mate of mine's next door neighbour parked his car in my mate's drive so he could wash it.

When my mate came out with a look of WTF on his face and his arms spread wide, the neighbour said "Oh sorry, have you got people coming around?"

"No mate, I wasn't looking to discuss my social diary, I was more wondering why your car is parked on my drive with you washing it!"

 

[Martino Knockavelli]

Lived in a wretched (tho v cheap!) flat in Hull which had the sound insulation rating of a sheet of wet tissue paper. The folks downstairs had a dog called c*** (a fact I gleaned from them screaming the name out of the window every morning after letting it out to have a shit on the 4 foot square bit of communal grass) and listened to Bright Eyes on repeat at diaphragm shaking volume for a week. I worked nights, I'm a terrible sleeper at the best of times, and perpetually about 3 days of imperfect kip away from a fully fledged nervous breakdown, so, nearing that point, I gathered my small testicles in my purse and ventured downstairs to knock on the door and politely inquire if the Garfunkeling could at least wait until late afternoon. I immediately regretted this course of action when said door was opened to reveal a troglodytic specimen dressed entirely in military surplus camo gear. The corridor behind him was lined with rubbish piled up against the walls, and there were empty tin cans on the floor. He told me that he "didn't see why [he] should have to" acquiesce to my polite request, and when I meekly persisted he instructed me to "fuck off" under threat of violence, which of course I duly did, with great haste. When I got back upstairs Bright Eyes started playing on his stereo, at diaphragm shaking volume. I might have done a little cry but I can't remember.

We did not renew the lease, and in hindsight I now realise that that man was almost certainly Ebeneezer Goode.

>> edit: just to be clear cos of the swear filter, their dog was called the rude C-word for a lady part.

 

[Leo]

Lived in a wretched (tho v cheap!) flat in Hull which had the sound insulation rating of a sheet of wet tissue paper. The folks downstairs had a dog called c*** (a fact I gleaned from them screaming the name out of the window every morning after letting it out to have a shit on the 4 foot square bit of communal grass) and listened to Bright Eyes on repeat at diaphragm shaking volume for a week. I worked nights, I'm a terrible sleeper at the best of times, and perpetually about 3 days of imperfect kip away from a fully fledged nervous breakdown, so, nearing that point, I gathered my small testicles in my purse and ventured downstairs to knock on the door and politely inquire if the Garfunkeling could at least wait until late afternoon. I immediately regretted this course of action when said door was opened to reveal a troglodytic specimen dressed entirely in military surplus camo gear. The corridor behind him was lined with rubbish piled up against the walls, and there were empty tin cans on the floor. He told me that he "didn't see why [he] should have to" acquiesce to my polite request, and when I meekly persisted he instructed me to "fuck off" under threat of violence, which of course I duly did, with great haste. When I got back upstairs Bright Eyes started playing on his stereo, at diaphragm shaking volume. I might have done a little cry but I can't remember.

We did not renew the lease, and in hindsight I now realise that that man was almost certainly Ebeneezer Goode.

>> edit: just to be clear cos of the swear filter, their dog was called the rude C-word for a lady part.

People such as those deserve a good tasering!................Then eviction.

 

[Stevencc]

My ex-neighbour sounds very much like a middle class, Jewish, wimpy version of Carel's ex-neighbour. So much less intimidating but just as annoying, particularly because our walls seem to have shared a similar consistency and level of sound insulation.

One time the postman made the grave error of giving me my ex-neighbour's post, thus revealing said ex-neighbour's full name to me. I then went a bit "Dave" and found the twitter account of said ex-neighbour. Sometimes, to this day, when I am a bit drunk I contemplate sending him some anonymous bile over twitter but I've been able to resist the urge as of this moment.

 

[Leo]

My ex-neighbour sounds very much like a middle class, Jewish, wimpy version of Carel's ex-neighbour. So much less intimidating but just as annoying, particularly because our walls seem to have shared a similar consistency and level of sound insulation.

One time the postman made the grave error of giving me my ex-neighbour's post, thus revealing said ex-neighbour's full name to me. I then went a bit "Dave" and found the twitter account of said ex-neighbour. Sometimes, to this day, when I am a bit drunk I contemplate sending him some anonymous bile over twitter but I've been able to resist the urge as of this moment.

One night, having drunk a bit over the odds, you'll succumb to the urge. It will overcome you and bile shall be sent!