Notts County vs. Preston

[JJH]

FT - 1-3.

Good result that.

 

[SF_]

Never in doubt.

 

[JJH]

Best loan signing we've ever made

Both Matt Smith and Jermaine Beckford have played a part in firing us both to promotion...

Have I spoke too soon?!

 

[valefan16]

Cheers PNE! Garners barmy army!

 

[Redcityman]

Promotion should be in the bag now, can't see Swindon throwing themselves into it on Saturday, saying that football is a funny old game.

Some cracking goals there tonight.

 

[SirTomFinney]

Its going down to wire. With 10 mins left of that game i was convinced we would be in 3rd spot by the full time whistle

Then again, we could be a Championship club by 5pm Saturday......Saturday is going to be horrendous for nerves

 

[SF_]

Beckford's second. Fuck.

http://lockerdome.com/bbcsporf/6169461380096065/7608896315599124

 

[RavenBish]

RavenBish's Match Report - 21/04/2015.

Dearest Abigail, I fear that all may be lost. The men have been gallant and fought with honour but we were again outflanked by the Preston battalion and we pray to merely make it through the night. Yours always, Cpl. N County.

I sat in the car, laughed at the teamsheet and found a seat (there were plenty so I put my feet up on another and rested my arm on a 3rd....gotta get your money's worth). I felt as though my Grandad had just challenged a professional boxer to a scrap in the pub car park because he did a bit of sparring in the Army 50 years ago. It was going to be painful but he might not die and he might have some underhand tactics up his beige woollen sleeve.

Alas not. We played with c*** Haydn Hollis at left-back - a gangly 6'5 (at least) lad...and he did quite well. It was all pointless though - want to know why? I think you already know the answer but I'm gonna spell it out for you anyway;

Shit
Monstrous turd
Immobile
Time to retire
Hopeless

The bloke is a fucking embarrassment. Like I know his leg is basically bionic or something but what's the excuse for his fucking brain. He can't pass, run, tackle, shoot to even a degree that would get him a game for Beeston Old Boys. His partner in crime is Sir Run-A-Lot, Gary Jones, seems like a nice bloke and he tries hard but he just scampers around like a 55 year old Karl Pilkington and...I can't watch him y'know. I can't. When he has the ball I close my eyes because I refuse to sit and watch the game I love be massacred by the man's lack of technical ability.

Speaking of technical ability, a lovely time to transition onto the topic of Garry Thompson. I fucking hate him. I actually fucking hate him. Someone could text me now and say he paid for prosthetic limbs for an entire village of orphans in Romania and my reply would be 'I don't care. Fuck him'. We actually had a chance to draw because Preston were so horrifically bad that for 20 minutes we resembled an actual football team of football players, and Jimmy Spencer (Oh Jimmy I love you, if it wasn't for you sweet, sweet James I don't know what I'd do, I really don't. You keep me strong.) scored, a goal he deserved. So it's 2-1 and the bottling experts are on the ropes. Noble's on, he changes the game, Thompson in on goal....Shoot, shoot, shoot. Twat. You top-heavy, abnormally large-chested fecal sample. Preston go up the other end and score.

I'm a tolerant man. I'm generally rather laid-back and comes across a lot more confrontational on the internet than I am in real life where I'm largely not arsed about anything. Tonight, I wasn't angry - I don't want to waste any part of my existence getting angry at these terrible footballers. They are nothing. If they had any dignity then they'd retire immediately.

I don't get scared. I'm a man that stares death in the face and says 'not today', I even had a walk at lunch today and told a swan to fuck off that got too close to me. However, I'll level with you, I'm scared. I'm scared that the aforementioned will still be at my club next year. I'm sat in the dark like lil' Arya Stark reciting their names over and over 'Mike Edwards, Hayden Mullins, Alan Smith, Gary Jones, Garry Thompson...'. Do not let these men ruin another season for me. I can take relegation (by the way, waheeyyyy fuck off MK Dons you jebends) if it was all worthwhile and we can put these awful old men behind us.

I've waffled on now and I need to watch Mad Men before bed so some quick York Notes on the rest.

1) Daniel Johnson was shite and he played against Alan Smith. Don't ever tell me this kid is good again thankyou
2) Jimmy Spencer was better than Joe Garner. Don't respond to this, it means nothing but it just made me feel good typing it
3) Graham Burke is as good at football as you'd expect someone called 'Graham Burke' to be.
4) Roy Carroll is mental, not in a good way.

Tonight, we made a sacrifice. We selflessly put the needs of the many ahead of the needs of the few or one. When the time comes that we can celebrate at another failure by MK Dons and laugh in the face of that fat prick Robbo, remember this night, the night we gave our lives for this cause. Don't let it all be for nothing.

 

[Scumarmy.]

RavenBish's Match Report - 21/04/2015.

Dearest Abigail, I fear that all may be lost. The men have been gallant and fought with honour but we were again outflanked by the Preston battalion and we pray to merely make it through the night. Yours always, Cpl. N County.

I sat in the car, laughed at the teamsheet and found a seat (there were plenty so I put my feet up on another and rested my arm on a 3rd....gotta get your money's worth). I felt as though my Grandad had just challenged a professional boxer to a scrap in the pub car park because he did a bit of sparring in the Army 50 years ago. It was going to be painful but he might not die and he might have some underhand tactics up his beige woollen sleeve.

Alas not. We played with c*** Haydn Hollis at left-back - a gangly 6'5 (at least) lad...and he did quite well. It was all pointless though - want to know why? I think you already know the answer but I'm gonna spell it out for you anyway;

Shit
Monstrous turd
Immobile
Time to retire
Hopeless

The bloke is a fucking embarrassment. Like I know his leg is basically bionic or something but what's the excuse for his fucking brain. He can't pass, run, tackle, shoot to even a degree that would get him a game for Beeston Old Boys. His partner in crime is Sir Run-A-Lot, Gary Jones, seems like a nice bloke and he tries hard but he just scampers around like a 55 year old Karl Pilkington and...I can't watch him y'know. I can't. When he has the ball I close my eyes because I refuse to sit and watch the game I love be massacred by the man's lack of technical ability.

Speaking of technical ability, a lovely time to transition onto the topic of Garry Thompson. I fucking hate him. I actually fucking hate him. Someone could text me now and say he paid for prosthetic limbs for an entire village of orphans in Romania and my reply would be 'I don't care. Fuck him'. We actually had a chance to draw because Preston were so horrifically bad that for 20 minutes we resembled an actual football team of football players, and Jimmy Spencer (Oh Jimmy I love you, if it wasn't for you sweet, sweet James I don't know what I'd do, I really don't. You keep me strong.) scored, a goal he deserved. So it's 2-1 and the bottling experts are on the ropes. Noble's on, he changes the game, Thompson in on goal....Shoot, shoot, shoot. Twat. You top-heavy, abnormally large-chested fecal sample. Preston go up the other end and score.

I'm a tolerant man. I'm generally rather laid-back and comes across a lot more confrontational on the internet than I am in real life where I'm largely not arsed about anything. Tonight, I wasn't angry - I don't want to waste any part of my existence getting angry at these terrible footballers. They are nothing. If they had any dignity then they'd retire immediately.

I don't get scared. I'm a man that stares death in the face and says 'not today', I even had a walk at lunch today and told a swan to fuck off that got too close to me. However, I'll level with you, I'm scared. I'm scared that the aforementioned will still be at my club next year. I'm sat in the dark like lil' Arya Stark reciting their names over and over 'Mike Edwards, Hayden Mullins, Alan Smith, Gary Jones, Garry Thompson...'. Do not let these men ruin another season for me. I can take relegation (by the way, waheeyyyy fuck off MK Dons you jebends) if it was all worthwhile and we can put these awful old men behind us.

I've waffled on now and I need to watch Mad Men before bed so some quick York Notes on the rest.

1) Daniel Johnson was shite and he played against Alan Smith. Don't ever tell me this kid is good again thankyou
2) Jimmy Spencer was better than Joe Garner. Don't respond to this, it means nothing but it just made me feel good typing it
3) Graham Burke is as good at football as you'd expect someone called 'Graham Burke' to be.
4) Roy Carroll is mental, not in a good way.

Tonight, we made a sacrifice. We selflessly put the needs of the many ahead of the needs of the few or one. When the time comes that we can celebrate at another failure by MK Dons and laugh in the face of that fat prick Robbo, remember this night, the night we gave our lives for this cause. Don't let it all be for nothing.

We give you Alan Smith (FOR FREE) and this is how you repay us.

 

[TomPNE94]

RavenBish's Match Report - 21/04/2015.

Dearest Abigail, I fear that all may be lost. The men have been gallant and fought with honour but we were again outflanked by the Preston battalion and we pray to merely make it through the night. Yours always, Cpl. N County.

I sat in the car, laughed at the teamsheet and found a seat (there were plenty so I put my feet up on another and rested my arm on a 3rd....gotta get your money's worth). I felt as though my Grandad had just challenged a professional boxer to a scrap in the pub car park because he did a bit of sparring in the Army 50 years ago. It was going to be painful but he might not die and he might have some underhand tactics up his beige woollen sleeve.

Alas not. We played with c*** Haydn Hollis at left-back - a gangly 6'5 (at least) lad...and he did quite well. It was all pointless though - want to know why? I think you already know the answer but I'm gonna spell it out for you anyway;

Shit
Monstrous turd
Immobile
Time to retire
Hopeless

The bloke is a fucking embarrassment. Like I know his leg is basically bionic or something but what's the excuse for his fucking brain. He can't pass, run, tackle, shoot to even a degree that would get him a game for Beeston Old Boys. His partner in crime is Sir Run-A-Lot, Gary Jones, seems like a nice bloke and he tries hard but he just scampers around like a 55 year old Karl Pilkington and...I can't watch him y'know. I can't. When he has the ball I close my eyes because I refuse to sit and watch the game I love be massacred by the man's lack of technical ability.

Speaking of technical ability, a lovely time to transition onto the topic of Garry Thompson. I fucking hate him. I actually fucking hate him. Someone could text me now and say he paid for prosthetic limbs for an entire village of orphans in Romania and my reply would be 'I don't care. Fuck him'. We actually had a chance to draw because Preston were so horrifically bad that for 20 minutes we resembled an actual football team of football players, and Jimmy Spencer (Oh Jimmy I love you, if it wasn't for you sweet, sweet James I don't know what I'd do, I really don't. You keep me strong.) scored, a goal he deserved. So it's 2-1 and the bottling experts are on the ropes. Noble's on, he changes the game, Thompson in on goal....Shoot, shoot, shoot. Twat. You top-heavy, abnormally large-chested fecal sample. Preston go up the other end and score.

I'm a tolerant man. I'm generally rather laid-back and comes across a lot more confrontational on the internet than I am in real life where I'm largely not arsed about anything. Tonight, I wasn't angry - I don't want to waste any part of my existence getting angry at these terrible footballers. They are nothing. If they had any dignity then they'd retire immediately.

I don't get scared. I'm a man that stares death in the face and says 'not today', I even had a walk at lunch today and told a swan to fuck off that got too close to me. However, I'll level with you, I'm scared. I'm scared that the aforementioned will still be at my club next year. I'm sat in the dark like lil' Arya Stark reciting their names over and over 'Mike Edwards, Hayden Mullins, Alan Smith, Gary Jones, Garry Thompson...'. Do not let these men ruin another season for me. I can take relegation (by the way, waheeyyyy fuck off MK Dons you jebends) if it was all worthwhile and we can put these awful old men behind us.

I've waffled on now and I need to watch Mad Men before bed so some quick York Notes on the rest.

1) Daniel Johnson was shite and he played against Alan Smith. Don't ever tell me this kid is good again thankyou
2) Jimmy Spencer was better than Joe Garner. Don't respond to this, it means nothing but it just made me feel good typing it
3) Graham Burke is as good at football as you'd expect someone called 'Graham Burke' to be.
4) Roy Carroll is mental, not in a good way.

Tonight, we made a sacrifice. We selflessly put the needs of the many ahead of the needs of the few or one. When the time comes that we can celebrate at another failure by MK Dons and laugh in the face of that fat prick Robbo, remember this night, the night we gave our lives for this cause. Don't let it all be for nothing.

We were fucking terrible tonight, that is correct.

I honestly didn't believe you about quite how poor you were. Sorry man. Good luck, keep fighting the good fight, fan power will win eventually.

P.S thanks for the 3 points

 

[TomPNE94]

Also...

Garner - missed 10 weeks of the season injured - 22 goals (league 1 top scorer)
Beckford - signed on loan in November and missed 6 weeks injured - 12 goals.

Jeeeeeeeeeez

 

[Saddlerrad]

Also...

Garner - missed 10 weeks of the season injured - 22 goals (league 1 top scorer)
Beckford - signed on loan in November and missed 6 weeks injured - 12 goals.

Jeeeeeeeeeez

Yeah but.

Tom Bradshaw - 27 starts in 55+ games. - 18 goals.

MACHINE.

 

[TomPNE94]

Yeah but.

Tom Bradshaw - 27 starts in 55+ games. - 18 goals.

MACHINE.

Shite mate.

Beckford has 9 in his last 13.

 

[Wootball]

Staggering records, but Garners still a diving c***.

 

[Luke Imp]

I see Notts County have recalled Cranston from us.

If he's the answer, I dread to think what the question is. Absolutely terrible for us. Got more yellow cards for dissent than successful tackles/crosses/passes etc etc.

You had our pants down on that one.

 

[william death]

I see Notts County have recalled Cranston from us.

If he's the answer, I dread to think what the question is. Absolutely terrible for us. Got more yellow cards for dissent than successful tackles/crosses/passes etc etc.

You had our pants down on that one.

Erm we got Newton...

 

[Luke Imp]

Newton > Cranston by a country mile.

At least Newton was a decent Conference player.

 

[PuyolisGod]

Great result.

Well done to everybody concerned with Preston North End!

 

[SF_]

I'd also like to add that i'm glad we've hopefully played a part in Notts County's relegation. Regardless of who is managing them they're a horrible, smelly c*** of a side and they deserve a long spell in League two or below.

 

[jacobncfc]

We hate these players just as much.

 

[SF_]

Just seen the goals, Both Beckford goals are outrageous.

 

[RavenBish]

Newton > Cranston by a country mile.

At least Newton was a decent Conference player.

Cranston played numerous games for us and was absolutely fine, had a couple of bad games against Barnsley and Sheff Utd but on the whole he was alright. Newton is a fucking embarrassment to humanity, don't think I've ever seen a left-back in my life so slow and pedestrian. I'd talk about his crossing ability but we never see it because by the time he's successfully over-lapped, the final whistle's gone.

 

[RavenBish]

I'd also like to add that i'm glad we've hopefully played a part in Notts County's relegation. Regardless of who is managing them they're a horrible, smelly c*** of a side and they deserve a long spell in League two or below.

There is literally nothing horrible about us. That tone suggests there's a reason to dislike us - the idea that you'd dislike rather than merely pity us is baffling. We deserve pity - we're proud people and every season our quaint little huts get burnt down by visiting tribes who pillage us and we just doff our caps and wave them on their way and rebuild it all again from scratch over the summer. We provide humour and the odd bit of controversy and in return all we ask for is a place at the table, to be part of this wonderful division. We don't even want to go up, we're quite happy just providing an enjoyable away day. We've also appointed a funny Dutch bloke as manager who refers to 'the Devil' at least 3 times in every interview answer and will hopefully/probably bring in some cool foreigners like Leonardo Vitor Santiago.

Wishing relegation on anyone other than Crawley or a long shite away day like Yeovil or Colchester is not what this great Northern league is about either. Shame on you.

 

[Luke Imp]

Cranston played numerous games for us and was absolutely fine, had a couple of bad games against Barnsley and Sheff Utd but on the whole he was alright. Newton is a fucking embarrassment to humanity, don't think I've ever seen a left-back in my life so slow and pedestrian. I'd talk about his crossing ability but we never see it because by the time he's successfully over-lapped, the final whistle's gone.

I said when he signed that you shouldn't bother putting anyone in front of him because he doesn't do overlaps. It stifles him.

Also said that Newton wasn't L1 quality.

 

[RavenBish]

Bit hard to play a left-back with no-one in front of him. His last few games we played with a midfield diamond anyway and he was still fucking wank. He's just so slow and the less said about his defensive ability the better.