TFF Survivor: China

[JJH]

CHINESE DRAGONS

 

[HarvSFC]

Dragon Unicorn

 

[SUTSS]

Children of the dragon

 

[JonBCFC]

dragonorama

 

[JJH]

Why didn't I just stay and do the crossword

 

[White Army]

descendants of the dragon

 

[last request]

Children of the dragon

Correct!

SUTSS steals in ahead of Jon to take the final quiz qualifying place!

Hard luck Jon

 

[SUTSS]

FUCK YES!

 

[Womble98]

Fuck I missed it

 

[JJH]

 

[JonBCFC]

Cards fault. Congrats SUTSS, and congrats to everyone else who made it and good luck... I'll make do with watching from the outside

 

[JoeJoeJoeJoe]

SUTSS 3:16 says he just whooped your ass Jon

 

[StagsForLife]

Cards fault. Congrats SUTSS, and congrats to everyone else who made it and good luck... I'll make do with watching from the outside

Essay?

 

[Rammy]

JOHNATHAN!!!

 

[JonBCFC]

JOHNATHAN!!!

As the song goes... 2-0, and i fucked it up

 

[SUTSS]

Revenge for the Sheep Plate semi.

 

[JonBCFC]

Revenge for the Sheep Plate semi.

Hahaha I KNEW you were gonna say that! And stop laughing at the latest answers i sent in I know they're shit

 

[Mr Elmo]

Actually nervous to find out the results of the essay challenge, any estimate on results?

 

[Magic]

Tinpotters :giphy:

 

[last request]

Actually nervous to find out the results of the essay challenge, any estimate on results?

There were some great entries, I expect the judges will have decided by Fri/Sat.

 

[Rammy]

Long nervous wait for those people who sent an essay then!

Can you say how many entries there were, LR?

 

[last request]

Results time for the Survival Plan challenge!

Now the judges remarked on how strong the entries were, how all 6 entries were worthy of a place in the game and how it was difficult to rank some above others because of how close it was.

Just to reiterate - the judges did not know which 1FF member each entry belonged to.

Here are the entries:

In no more than 500 words describe your survival plan for living in the wilderness of China - more specifically the Zhangjiajie National Forest Park where this game will be set. You will need to construct your shelter, get food from the natural environment etc. You start with only basic tools, pots and a small amount of rice.


The judges will be looking for:


- Good survival advice.

- An entertaining read.

- The more effort it seems you have made with your entry, the better.



Entry A

Well - I'm afraid it's no-one's fault but my own that I have to settle down and write this essay, damn I regret going working overtime tonight..

But - there's still hope. I have massive plans and ambitions for the very limited sources I've been given and have to deal with, but they're all I have, and I will need to use them efficiently and productively to ensure of my survival against the others.

I won't stop with just the resources I've been given although - I'll make it my mission to get out and find anything that could come in handy and be useful to help construct my shelter. But - if this option isn't available to me - I come with a backup plan. Zhangjiajie National Forest Park hosts some of the finest caves known to man - and while the style of living may not be great, it will be sure to get me through, and play a part in my survival.

As for the food situation - I will make it a daily job to hunt food consistently, and use the resources I have been given to full effect - and use them as an aid to help me get food to survive. Not only will I be hunting, I have a long term plan to construct traps to help catch food -allowing me time for other very important jobs, such as improving my shelter etc.

Also - not to forget, sanitation. Keeping clean and healthy will play a massive part in an act to survive - and preventing diseases like Cholera, and keeping our bowels free from hookworms will go a long way to helping us out. I have noticed that there is fresh flowing water travelling under the Bridge of Immortals, which will be suitable for usage.

I have plenty of ambition - and plenty to offer to this fantastic, unique National Forest Park, and there will be no slacking from where I come from - I'll be consistently kept busy, and working at both long and short term plans, and surviving for as long as I possibly can. China is a great country full of traditional history - and in this survival act I plan to carry on some of those traditions, by eating strange and unheard of insects, that I am yet to discover, and am intrigued to taste.

Instead of researching into great depth into the Zhangjiajie National Forest Park, like others will do, I would like to set out with a game plan, and learn as I go, picking up survival tips, ways of living, and keeping healthy in such foreign conditions.

I read the thread tonight with great jealousy - of those that have made it through. Damn overtime - but I aspire to be one of them.

I hope you take all my plans of action into consideration, and kindly elect me for one of the three spots on this great adventure.

Thankyou.

[Contestant] out.


Entry B

Dear Sir,

It has come to my attention that whilst there are many people stranded in Zhangjiajie National Park (ZNP) they appear to be only intellects who rush into decisions and do not take the time out to sit and think strategically from what I have read about them. For this reason you should find herein my strategical plan for survival. My help will be needed should any of them ever wish to return, alive.

In my previous survival trips in the Central African Republic, Equatorial Guinea and Colombia I have always employed the four 'S's: Shelter, Safety, Sanitation and Survival. We must begin with Shelter.

Shelter

ZNP is home to a variety of caves, these must be used with caution for sudden falling rocks or deep chasms into fresh water pools from which you cannot return. However these can be fantastic for a first, initial, settlement. I recommend the Jiutian Cave, the largest in ZNP. From here the initial camp will have shelter from the rain and fresh, running water at deeper depths. The caves also provide idea storage facilities to prevent pilfering from the Rhesus and Macaque monkeys.


Safety

Following on from shelter we must look after ourselves from the dangers of man. Although attacks from other wildlife may be rare in ZNP we must look out for other tribesmen, often armed with bow and arrow. For this reason we must take control of high grounds and look-outs, preferably with caves nearby. I have found two such locations near the Xianren Qiao ('Bridge of the Immortals', for my tribe will be immortal), these points are known as the 'Emporers Throne' and 'Cock-Pecking' look outs.


Sannitation

The fast flowing water that passes under Xianren Qiao is fantastic for a natural sanitation method. To survive we must be clean, reduce our chances of catching dysentery and we must keep our bowels free from Hookworms such as Ancylostoma Duodenale which would thieve the nutrients we require from inside our own intestines.


Survival

With the basics out of the way we can build a long term strategy for survival in ZNP and ultimately our exit from its depths and towering stone columns. Initially we will set up traps to catch the tasty, but nocturnal and scarce, Pangolin and forage the forest for local Tangerines and Chestnuts, the protein and carbohydrates from the latter cannot be undervalued and are particularly tasty when roasted with Monkey and Cabbage-one of my mother’s own recipes! Once we are established we will work with other local tribe’s people to build trade and hopefully our route out of ZNP. From the Tuiga we will trade their vegetables that they skilfully grow and pickle, from carrots to cabbage. From the Bais people we will trade their expertise in medical science, for a healthy community medicine cannot be overlooked. And from the Miaos we will trade their incredible craft with stitch work to make bedding and warm clothes to keep us comfortable during the cooler months.


Yours Faithfully,


Panda Steams


Entry C


First Rule - The Golden Rule

When trying to survive anywhere in the world with a limited amount of resources, you have to use your initiative - Especially in such a place as China being how massive the country is and also how unknown some places are of it. One of the best ways to survive in this scenario, is by using the golden rule, which was first brought to the way by a local friend of mine Tiger Grylls (Or something along those lines). He has said many times that the rule I am about to present to you is so important, that it could be the difference between life and death.

The rule is very important because when thirsty, being in the wild will not give you many options to drink. Water supplies can quickly run out and in desperate times, you need something. My friend Tiger says it can be very refreshing, giving you energy for the rest of the day. It also has a similar taste to lemonade according to him, although it also has a strong after-taste. The pots are a good storage space if you need to save for later.


Rule 2 - Managing supplies

Another thing you need to do while out in the wilderness is managing supplies - It's no good going out for a few weeks and scoffing all the Rice right away because you want to act as Steve Evans, is it? You need to keep rational supplies for everyday so that by the end you still feel energised. I get that it is sort of tough with rice and wild berries, fruits only etc. The thing is though, if you can actually keep watch of what you're doing, you'll be good.


You also need to be able to manage other supplies, such as tools. Those tools will become very handy for creating fires to keep you warm in those cold and evil nights, where wolves hunt about trying to kill you. They act as an angel almost, protecting you from any beasts. By not overusing them, you'll be able to create many fires to keep you protected. Although not for my mate not so steady (I think?), poor guy. He was trying to use the Nike equipment he brought along with him, until he realised they were blunt and toothless, much like the team he supports - That's a story for another day though. They finally broke after a while and the wolves managed to turn him, and he was trying to turn everyone else soon after - Fortunately he was captured early, so he got nobody.


Other mini rules

Make sure you work together - Shelters don't build themselves.
Watch your step.
Anything useful found - Take it.
Going against other humans is not a good idea.
Don't let the bed bugs bite!


I hope you feel my survival guide is useful, it's taken lots of time. I hope you have learned to survive, you'll need to!

Was going to do this all in one post but reached the character limit!

 

[last request]

Entry D

Well if I was to survive in the Zhangjiajie National Forest Park I would look for a rock first. It can be any rock, as long as it can be used to kill people. This person cannot be any old person however. I will ask my fellow contestants whether they know of anyone that appears to go by the name of “Cardsfan”. Once that Rammy looking fella points to the nearest 12 year old I will use my rock to take out the fan of cards, or otherwise known as Gambit. So that’s food sorted.

Next up is a shelter. From the killing of Cardsfan, my rock levelled up and evolved into ‘The Rock’. You know, Dwayne Johnson. So I’m going to ask him to whack a few trees down for me and collect some leaves. Then he’ll build my shelter with his own hands, because he can.

I have seen that this forest contains an outdoor elevator. Much like the elevator in ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’. So I’m going to assume that this is the forest where Willy Wonka found the Umpa Lumpas. Despite recently finding their way to Essex, there’s still a few to be found in the forest. So these guys will be a great source of food from the natural environment whilst they can also raise camp morale with their fabulous singing. Just don’t eat all of the chocolate you great big Oaf!

Finally, as I’m going to be spending a long time away from England and won’t be making any money from this survival, I shall be turning this forest into my long term career. Whilst I also hope to be playing the game, I’m sure ITV1,2,3,4 or be will agree to run my survival show. The title of this show will be called: “Bare Frills: Operation Zhang.” Therefore I will also have a source of income whilst I’m in the show.

So essentially I’ve got shelter, food, money and preventing Jimmy Saville from getting to a 12 year old. I hope that my application will be accepted and to hear from you soon.



Entry E

I write this sitting deep within the Zhangjiajie National Forest Park. My challenge is my survival. If you come across this note, you will be in the same boat, so here’s a little guidance.

First off, shelter, a home, a place to call your own... Well that is until thousands of little pissy bugs invade it and decide to annoy you forever. Now there are a lot of fucking mountain like things in this place. I mean a lot. You’d think the solution would be to live under one by creating a cave, but no, that was my first mistake. There are a lot of falling rocks, a lot of physically eroded pillars, and a lot of stuff to trap you in there and leave you to look like Mr Burns before killing you. Your solution? Use the tools you have, take rocks, bits of stick, wood, leaves, bamboo, whatever you can find, and build an igloo shaped home. It’s not ideal, but you don’t die, and that’s the basic instinct of a survivor.

Next thing, food. Now I know we’re in China, but believe it or not (and I’m still struggling to, I won’t lie) noodles don’t grow on trees. I made that assumption, and I ended up hungrier for meat than a Thai Prostitute on the street corner of an Essex nightclub. Second thing to note, berries that you find – don’t eat them. You’ll be shitting water for weeks (and on that subject, a quick note to AVOID the nettles as loo roll. That really brings a new definition to the term ‘ring sting’). I had pots, and a bit of rice which got me started. I could create a fire and fry some stuff I found. I found a salamander one day on a walk. It tasted like shit but it was food. You have to learn to ignore the taste. Kill what you find, and savour the nourishment, ignore the taste.

If you eat the wrong sort of berry you might even start hallucinating and thinking that this place would be perfect for some weird blue people and it’d make a great film. Let me tell you now, you’re wrong. Ignore it. You will get over it.

Wildlife wise, there’s a lot of Golden Pheasants around, they’re lovely birds. Great colours. There’s a cage of monkeys in the Park which I was going to tackle to try and cook one but I’ll be fucked if I’m starting on them. They look rather angry and I suggest you ignore them too.

Stick to these tips, and you’ll come out the other side of this pillar filled wilderness and I wish you all the luck in the world doing so. Always remember, things you kill can not kill you. Survivors need to be strong, mentally and physically, and prepared for anything. Be alert, be wise, be safe.

Good luck.

Entry F

China. Land of the plagiarists. Zhangjiajie is no different. I mean, just look at these:

Clearly based off that scene in Kung Fu Panda.

Based on Pandora in Avatar.

Taken straight from that cliff game in The Price is Right.

So we'll find some familiar places and never ever get lost.

But playing the cliff game with real people instead of that plastic 2d yodeller will only help us survive for so long. Here's a 7 point plan covering everything. These shall be marked out numerically, to give an impression of an order, and dots, to mark the end of the number.

1: Asian giant hornets

Look at those fuckers. Up to 2 inches long, one sting can cause renal failure, a cardiac arrest or even multiple organ failure. So taking out a nest is clearly a three man job, using weaponry that will be discussed later. Whilst either dead or alive, we STEAL THEIR LEGS AND RUN LIKE SHIT. We’ll use these to construct our shelter.

B. Asian black bears

Known for the iconic white V mark across its chest, look at its legs. We STEAL ITS LEGS AND RUN LIKE FUCK. This will provide a sturdier base for the shelter with which to support the hornet’s legs. You may be asking why we didn't go for the Asian black bear legs first. Well I'm sorry, if I could go back and change it now I would. At this point, I'm expecting the shelter to look something like this:

B) Tony Blackburn:

During ‘I'm a Celebrity’ in 2002, rumour has it that while all the camera crew/cameras were facing the opposite direction, a mysterious (wo)man approached Tony and said "Let us clone you and we'll giia a few bob" (£620 in today's money). Little did he know they’d clone the clone! And he would receive no royalties!!! There are apparently up to 27 in Zhangjiajie alone, out of 85 million worldwide. We STEAL HIS LEGS AND WALK AWAY LIKE TWAT. Well it's not like legless Tony Blackburn is catching us. His legs will be used on the roof. I'm expecting the build quality to drop a smidgeon here:

But it will help mid-long term structurally. This is the right thing to do.


4. Complete the following sequence: MISTER BATE

MISSES BATE

______ BATE




That's right! Our fishing bate will be a weapon we all have: copper coins. I have 68, and it's a retrievable weapon.

Not like they're useful for anything else. Ever tried throwing coins at fish? Gonna be brutal lads.

5. Mosquito nets - I own one.


6. Water

We use the hornets’ nest we stole earlier, and use leaves to fill the holes. Use it as a bucket to collect rain. Wait we didn't steal the nest? This means war. This calls for a disappointing pun. Operation Wa(r)ter. Ahhh, I'm annoyed now. But we'll steal that nest.


7. Other Food - Distract any wild animals with coins. Kick them to death.

That’s that then. Nihao.

 

[last request]

The entry that scored highest with the judges, winning a place on the tribes and the 1st hidden idol clue belonged to....

Spoiler

blade1889! Congrats!

The other 2 entries in the judges' top 3, winning a place on the tribes......















.......in no particular order, belonged to.......

Spoiler

The Hand of Dom! Well done!

.....and.....

Spoiler

HarvSFC! Congrats!

Hard luck on the other 3, all six entries were very good. To you and everyone else who wanted to play but didn't qualify - I hope to see you in the next season of Survivor and I hope you follow along anyway. You are more than welcome to comment in the thread as long as you are not trying to influence voting etc.

 

[Veggie Legs]

Which entry belonged to which person?

 

[HarvSFC]

Yay! Was nervous there after reading Blade's and THOD's names. Thanks to the judges.

 

[last request]

Veggie Legs If people want to say which entry is theirs that's up to them. I didn't reveal that because I didn't want to rub it in the 3 that didn't qualify's faces so to speak.

 

[blade1889]

Get in! See you in China,

Panda Steams


ps Only read the 2nd post with 3 entries so assumed I'd missed the boat (or flight)...very happy to be taking part in my first Survivor, have only heard good things from those who lived to tell the tale

 

[JonBCFC]

Congrats you 3, enjoy China you fuckers!

 

[HarvSFC]

Which entry belonged to which person?

I killed Cardsfan in mine. I think that helped sway the judges.