Your most 'Westley' team

[JJH]

Bury down to 10 men and he pops up with a 90th minute winner today

I seen, he's a god

 

[Saddlerrad]

My absolute all time footballing hero. Can't believe you mentioned him!

I feel I should clarify in case his name crops up again. It's officially: Super Sammy Parkin

Saddlerrad

He was absolutely woeful for us mate, sorry to dampen your spirits . The Orient fans tried warning us that he was laughably bad and we all saw it not long after.

He was one of the most solid, dependable midfielders we have ever had. Strong in the tackle and did the simple things with brutal efficiency. Well over 300 games during the best spell in our history, he was a rock.

However, by the time he left us, his legs had totally gone and he was a shadow of his former self. When you sent him back to us on loan it was painful and embarrassing to watch a club legend struggle to look like he'd ever played the game.

Amazingly he carried on playing well into his late 30's at non-league level.

Aye, it seems like years ago now, but he was totally finished as a footballer. No legs, no pace, no strength for a man of his size, overweight, just dire. One of the reasons we got relegated was him playing each week!

What did you think of Hector "Ronaldinho" Sam? Personally knew him and many said he couldn't hit a barn door his composure was that non-existent.

He was a bit of a hero at Walsall, seemed like a nice bloke, good sense of humour. Not the best player by any means but he did well in our league 2 season. Seemed to drift off into nothing after that. Went to Wrexham I believe?

 

[TrinidadsNumberOne]

He was absolutely woeful for us mate, sorry to dampen your spirits . The Orient fans tried warning us that he was laughably bad and we all saw it not long after.



Aye, it seems like years ago now, but he was totally finished as a footballer. No legs, no pace, no strength for a man of his size, overweight, just dire. One of the reasons we got relegated was him playing each week!



He was a bit of a hero at Walsall, seemed like a nice bloke, good sense of humour. Not the best player by any means but he did well in our league 2 season. Seemed to drift off into nothing after that. Went to Wrexham I believe?

Used to know Hector well, he was at Wrexham before because that's where I knew him personally. Was a top bloke but had a knack for missing some sitters. Was like a League 1/2 Kenwyne Jones/Paulo Wanchope after the leg break he suffered at Wrexham because I remember we were in for him for a time.

 

[Bottega Don]

Just gonna go for poor players we've had in the past.

GK - Eirik Holmen Johansen - Loaned from Man City two seasons ago, was massive as fuck but that was about it. Very poor at catching the ball considering his height and wasn't a great shotstopper.

LB - Trent McClenahan - Played one game for us, away at Derby iirc and was absolutely horrible. Got ripped apart and never played again.
CB - Bondz N'Gala - Played a couple of games and all I remember him doing was slipping over, some of the worst distribution I can remember ever seeing.
CB - Kenny Milne - Was injured more than he played, I remember him stating in his interview when he joined that we belong at the top of the championship.
RB - Jordan Spence - Made quite a few appearances for us on loan from West Ham and was useless.

RM - Anthony Forde - One of the worst end products I have ever seen, his crossing was atrocious when he played for us.
CM - Damien Mozika - c***
CM - David Prutton - One of the dirtiest players I have ever seen, seemed to get booked every game.
LM - Chris Sedgwick - No clue why we even brought him in, he barely played and didn't do anything when he did.

ST - Bobby Grant - What a temperamental little c*** this guy was, through a strop pretty much all the time and was just a little prick.
ST- Nicky Ajose - Was a massive prick. No clue why but we're like the only club he hasn't done sort of well at, looked useless throughout.

These are all pretty recent too which shows how many shit players we've had.

 

[MrGloverLover]

For Crewe:

GK: Rhys Taylor - 'Flapper' as I called him was a diabolical keeper and acted like he made the big-time being a Chelsea Youth GK. Now plying his trade at Macclesfield Town after a series of keeping mistakes eventually cost us a concrete playoff place.

RB: Darren Moss - We paid £170K to Shrewsbury for this utter waste of space. A shocking player who wasn't fit for purpose in the Championship or League One, ended up playing for Nantwich Town where he couldn't hold a regular place and Bangor City.

CB: Danny O'Donnell - O'Donkey, signed from Liverpool for a fee of up to £300K, was a key part of the squad that ended up going from mid-table League One to lower half of League Two thanks to his ineptitude, released, ended up at Shrewsbury then Stockport where he couldn't even make their team in the Conference North. Now living in Australia.

CB: Thierry Audel - Signed from Macclesfield for a nominal fee. Barely played but was shit. Loaned to Lincoln. Given a second chance this season. Barely played but was shit. Loaned to Lincoln. Lincoln sent him back. Released. Went back to Macclesfield.

LB: Anthony Tonkin - We paid £150K to Stockport for the LB version of Darren Moss. Eventually ended up at Yeovil, Oxford and in the non league with Aldershot.

RM: Joel Grant - Wasn't too bad but we did pay £130K to Aldershot for him and he definitely wasn't worth the fee. Very lazy footballer who had bags of talent but didn't know how to apply it with us.

CM: Antoni Sarcevic - Signed from Woodley Sports for a small fee. Had a horrendous attitude problem. He was overweight, unfit and didn't like running. Did have potential but tended to miss sitters when he was included in the side. Sold to Chester after a training ground bust-up with Davis and Baker and he's now at Fleetwood and I saw the gobshite was sent off again against Chesterfield for mouthing off.

CM: Jamie Moralee - Signed from a Watford side who were relegated to League One, the former £450K player failed to score a single goal for us and was gash and very weak. Now Rio Ferdinand's agent.

LM: Lee Molyneux - Contentious one, signed from Accrington with a bit of fanfare given his knack for scoring goals. In his defence he was a LB but Davis tried to convert him into some lower league Gareth Bale when he lacked pace. Molyneux and the Dull one didn't see eye to eye and he was a disruptive influence in the dressing room. Currently preparing for a Conference tour with Micky Adams and Tranmere.

ST: Anthony Elding - £200K for a work-shy, talentless, idle bugger. Possibly one of the worst players I've ever seen play for us. Three year contract was cancelled after about 15 months.

ST: Pavol Suhaj - Signed from AS Trencin in Slovakia, was pitiful, the lowlight being a lone striker in a 6-1 crushing against Cardiff. Released and subsequently couldn't make the Nantwich Town team in the Northern Premier League. Bit of a cult hero unlike the rest.

Subs:

GK: Bartek Fogler - Don't know who we even signed him from but he never played a game, just a few appearances on the bench. Often seen in Bar Seven down Nanny Road the night before a game.

SUB: Mike West - £30-£35K signing from Ebbsfleet, seemed to be okay but wasn't worth the money due to constantly being in our treatment room. Looked very weak.

SUB: Steven Schumacher - Signed from Bradford on a free but was on a decent wage. Was absolutely crocked for two years and never looked like the player he became at Bury. Personally thought he was a poor signing but I know some fans will disagree with me on this one. Now at Fleetwood with gobshite.

SUB: Rob Wakenshaw - The original Crewe flop, signed from Rochdale with previous experience from Everton back when they won the title with one of the best squads in the history of football. 1 goal in 22 games later he was shown the door.

SUB: Calvin Zola - Tranmere must've pissed themselves that they got £200K for this talent deprived lump. Useless footballer now residing in the Stevenage treatment room.

SUB: Juan Ugarte - Signed on a free from Wrexham where he achieved infamy for scoring 5 in a game vs Hartlepool. Was a crock for us though and retired through injury.

SUB: Lee Matthews - Pathetic crocked forward signed on a free from Port Vale. He failed to score for us and was duly released.

Honourable Mentions to Andy White, Vadaine Oliver, Scott Shearer, Wayne Collins (second spell) and Bradden Inman (permanent spell)

Anthony Tonkin started off at Yeovil and ended up at Crewe via Stockport. He was a brilliant left-back, one of the best prospects we'd seen in years and it wasn't a surprise that he moved to a league club. He eventually came bacl to us on loan a few years later after it had all gone a bit wrong and put in possibly the worst defensive performance i've ever witnessed in a FA CUp defeat at Ru$hden & Diamonds.

 

[MrGloverLover]

Basically an 11 made up of non-league and lower league punts who unsurprisingly turned out to be unbelievably gash.

Gavin Ward - The Trevor Benjamin of goalkeepers, his only attribute was shouting.

Neal Trotman - Cost us £500k from Oldham, he was diabolical
Luke Foster - Signed on a free after being unable to find a club following his release from Matlock Town
Aaron Brown - Signed on a free after his release from Aldershot, played up front on his own away at Sheff Wednesday

David Amoo - He was signed from Liverpool but there is no way he is avoiding this team, disgusting footballer
Andy Procter - A talentless trier who we actually paid money to Accrington for.
Kevin Nicholls - We paid about £750k for him from Leeds, I honestly think we signed his disabled brother
John Mousinho - The worst player i've seen turn out for Preston North End, signed from Stevenage

Andy Smith - Cost £150k from Glentoran, his best moment was an overhead kick in a friendly against Bamber Bridge
Lee Trundle - Signed on a free from Neath, played 1 game, he was just an injury-ridden mess.
Anthony Elding - Signed on loan from Grimsby 2 years ago, played 5 games, I don't remember him whatsoever

2 Craig Brown signings, 1 Alan Irvine signing, 1 Paul Simpson signing & 7 Graham Westley signings.

It's testament to this team's shitness that Craig Morgan and Clarke Carlisle haven't made the cut.

Burton fans would raise an eyebrow at Mousinho, he's been superb for them this season particularly at CB.

 

[MrGloverLover]

Just gonna go for poor players we've had in the past.

GK - Eirik Holmen Johansen - Loaned from Man City two seasons ago, was massive as fuck but that was about it. Very poor at catching the ball considering his height and wasn't a great shotstopper.

LB - Trent McClenahan - Played one game for us, away at Derby iirc and was absolutely horrible. Got ripped apart and never played again.
CB - Bondz N'Gala - Played a couple of games and all I remember him doing was slipping over, some of the worst distribution I can remember ever seeing.
CB - Kenny Milne - Was injured more than he played, I remember him stating in his interview when he joined that we belong at the top of the championship.
RB - Jordan Spence - Made quite a few appearances for us on loan from West Ham and was useless.

RM - Anthony Forde - One of the worst end products I have ever seen, his crossing was atrocious when he played for us.
CM - Damien Mozika - c***
CM - David Prutton - One of the dirtiest players I have ever seen, seemed to get booked every game.
LM - Chris Sedgwick - No clue why we even brought him in, he barely played and didn't do anything when he did.

ST - Bobby Grant - What a temperamental little c*** this guy was, through a strop pretty much all the time and was just a little prick.
ST- Nicky Ajose - Was a massive prick. No clue why but we're like the only club he hasn't done sort of well at, looked useless throughout.

These are all pretty recent too which shows how many shit players we've had.

Bondz N'Gala - good call. Almost a cult hero for us due to how bad he was.

 

[MrGloverLover]

Bad Savage - what a guy. Set clean through on goal against Yeovil with no one around him for 20 yards and managed to trip himself up. Had the gall to throw his arms up to appeal for something too. Luckily we were winning so the whole of Ashton Gate broke into laughter...

One of the greatest moments in West Country football history.

 

[MrGloverLover]

I could easily list the current first team but i'll go with this lot

Bondz N'Gala - A comedy defender. Just needed some big shoes and a red nose.
Richard Thompson - The worst striker i've seen play for us. Also had a terrible mullet, but then it was the 80s.
Marcus Jones - Bald, tall and shite. Frequently beaten to headers by players a foot shorter than him.
James Brown - Mystery player signed on for at least a season but of whom nothing was ever seen or heard. We still don't know if he actually existed.
Ali Slowe - Only had a professional contract because his Dad paid for it. Truly shocking in an Ali DIa way.
Andy Turner - Ex-Spurs winger, came with a lot of expectation and lived up to precisely none of it.
Pablo Bastianini - Record signing from Argentina, record disappointment.

 

[TrinidadsNumberOne]

Anthony Tonkin started off at Yeovil and ended up at Crewe via Stockport. He was a brilliant left-back, one of the best prospects we'd seen in years and it wasn't a surprise that he moved to a league club. He eventually came bacl to us on loan a few years later after it had all gone a bit wrong and put in possibly the worst defensive performance i've ever witnessed in a FA CUp defeat at Ru$hden & Diamonds.

Cornish lad wasn't he from Mousehole near Penzance? I liked him cos he was always up for a chat but he was never a Championship level LB. I remember our forwards ripping him a new one in our 2002-03 record breaking season but then we suddenly signed him and I was very underwhelmed at the time. No wonder we've always been bad defensively making signings like Tonkin.

 

[MrGloverLover]

Cornish lad wasn't he from Mousehole near Penzance? I liked him cos he was always up for a chat but he was never a Championship level LB. I remember our forwards ripping him a new one in our 2002-03 record breaking season but then we suddenly signed him and I was very underwhelmed at the time. No wonder we've always been bad defensively making signings like Tonkin.

Yeah, started his career at Falmouth before we signed him. It all started to go wrong for him when he refused (on his agent's advice apparently) to play in a league game for us as a move to a league club was being negotiated. The fans never forgave him for that.

 

[SF_]

Burton fans would raise an eyebrow at Mousinho, he's been superb for them this season particularly at CB.

I can only assume that League Two is a fucking abomination

 

[TrinidadsNumberOne]

I can only assume that League Two is a fucking abomination

It is indeed. Anthony Elding once looked competent at that level for Stockport.

 

[AFCB_Mark]

What a glorious thread! Not quite a full 11 from Bournemouth, but close. Might be able to add to it given a bit more thinking time.
Oh, and the Posh fan including Shwan Jalal in this should wash his keyboard out with soap!

CB: Scott Guyett: Kevin Bond wanted a older head at the back, so he snapped up this 32 year old upon his release from Yeovil Town. Where Yeovil failed, Bond would succeed? No. Just no.

CB: Aaron Brown: Made his name at Stafford Rangers and Tamworth... then played a handful of times for us including most infamously once up front against Lincoln IIRC. His list of clubs reads as a who's who of lower league and non league. Randomly popped up at Preston at one point.

LM: Tareq Khalil: Released by Cardiff and snapped up on a year contract by Sean O'Driscoll. It immediately became apparent to all of us in a few pre-season games that it was unclear why the bloke qualified as a professional footballer. Didn't make a single senior appearance. Went on to spend most of his career at Merthyr Tydfil.

CM: Jo Tessem: When Kevin Bond became desperate to save us from League One relegation, he called upon this old Southampton contact. Jo turned up weighing about 20 stone and couldn't move outside of the centre circle.

CM: Michael Standing: the ultimate lower league journeyman midfielder. He'd make a handful of appearances at one mediocre lower league club before moving somewhere else. Actually managed to settle down for a while at Lewes FC.

ST: Amos Foyewa: Released by West Ham, and was compared to Jermaine Defoe. Defoe actually recommended Foyewa and AFCB to one another. Cheers Jermaine.... Went onto Woking for a couple of years before disappearing.

ST: Michael Rankine. Jimmy Quinn signed him from Rushden & Diamonds and immediately told us that he'd "become a fans favourite", such was Quinn's confidence. He was a big lump, but couldn't jump, run, control a ball, shoot, pass - anything. Missed a sitter of a header 5 minutes into his debut.

ST: Blair Sturrock: That man Quinn again, signed him from Swindon on loan. Had a comedy 'tash, and his footballing ability was equally comical.

 

[TrinidadsNumberOne]

What a glorious thread! Not quite a full 11 from Bournemouth, but close. Might be able to add to it given a bit more thinking time.
Oh, and the Posh fan including Shwan Jalal in this should wash his keyboard out with soap!

CB: Scott Guyett: Kevin Bond wanted a older head at the back, so he snapped up this 32 year old upon his release from Yeovil Town. Where Yeovil failed, Bond would succeed? No. Just no.

CB: Aaron Brown: Made his name at Stafford Rangers and Tamworth... then played a handful of times for us including most infamously once up front against Lincoln IIRC. His list of clubs reads as a who's who of lower league and non league. Randomly popped up at Preston at one point.

LM: Tareq Khalil: Released by Cardiff and snapped up on a year contract by Sean O'Driscoll. It immediately became apparent to all of us in a few pre-season games that it was unclear why the bloke qualified as a professional footballer. Didn't make a single senior appearance. Went on to spend most of his career at Merthyr Tydfil.

CM: Jo Tessem: When Kevin Bond became desperate to save us from League One relegation, he called upon this old Southampton contact. Jo turned up weighing about 20 stone and couldn't move outside of the centre circle.

CM: Michael Standing: the ultimate lower league journeyman midfielder. He'd make a handful of appearances at one mediocre lower league club before moving somewhere else. Actually managed to settle down for a while at Lewes FC.

ST: Amos Foyewa: Released by West Ham, and was compared to Jermaine Defoe. Defoe actually recommended Foyewa and AFCB to one another. Cheers Jermaine.... Went onto Woking for a couple of years before disappearing.

ST: Michael Rankine. Jimmy Quinn signed him from Rushden & Diamonds and immediately told us that he'd "become a fans favourite", such was Quinn's confidence. He was a big lump, but couldn't jump, run, control a ball, shoot, pass - anything. Missed a sitter of a header 5 minutes into his debut.

ST: Blair Sturrock: That man Quinn again, signed him from Swindon on loan. Had a comedy 'tash, and his footballing ability was equally comical.

Surely David James in goal?

 

[SF_]

That must be a good three or four mentions for Aaron Brown.

 

[LuSiVe]

ST- Nicky Ajose - Was a massive prick. No clue why but we're like the only club he hasn't done sort of well at, looked useless throughout.

He was bloody awful when on loan at us too. A literal headless chicken would have been cheaper and more effective.

Ole Sodeberg is the worst goalkeeper I've ever seen. That 5-2 defeat at Oldham We never saw him again.

 

[Ninety Per Cent]

You could do an Alan Knill list for us, we got rid of 10 players one summer and replaced them with:

Christian "Injured" Ribero
Tom Newey - Ex Grimsby Town. had to pay him off to get rid.
Calum Kennedy
Josh Walker
Damien Mozika - Mardy Frenchman who's claim to fame was smashing up part of the Deva Stadium
Mike Grella - American with about 1 goal in 27 appearances
Andy Barcham - Only player who looked like scoring

The 3 irish lads who never got in the side. Jordan Keegan is now with Shelbourne as far as i know.

 

[TrinidadsNumberOne]

You could do an Alan Knill list for us, we got rid of 10 players one summer and replaced them with:

Christian "Injured" Ribero
Tom Newey - Ex Grimsby Town. had to pay him off to get rid.
Calum Kennedy
Josh Walker
Damien Mozika - Mardy Frenchman who's claim to fame was smashing up part of the Deva Stadium
Mike Grella - American with about 1 goal in 27 appearances
Andy Barcham - Only player who looked like scoring

The 3 irish lads who never got in the side. Jordan Keegan is now with Shelbourne as far as i know.

Swear that goal was a tap in against us for Grella!

 

[Luke Imp]

Quite a few ex-Lincoln mentioned in here!

 

[Bottega Don]

Swear that goal was a tap in against us for Grella!

It was.

He actually did score twice for us, one was in the game before that in a 5-5 Carling Cup game vs Derby.

 

[Ninety Per Cent]

The Derby cup game... the only good thing that happened under Knill.

 

[rudebwoyben]

Good Alessane N'Diaye mentioned on here, that guy is(?) never a footballer, he'd make an excellent athlete but he has no footballing skills whatsoever. Basseya also played for us but I didn't catch any of his brief appearances for us.
John Akinde is having an amazing season for us. The problem for him at Bristol City was that that was the wrong move for him at the age of 19, he should never have gone to a League 1 club let alone a big club at that level where instant results are expected.
Mark Carter must have been about 37 when he joined Rochdale. For someone who was pretty much a finisher and relied on some pace earlier in his career, you wouldn't have seen the best of him.
Bondz N'Gala has been a good stopper for us this season and he was decent on -loan to us in League 2 as well in 12/13 but a League 1 level player? No way!
Exodus Geohagan has played for 372 different clubs and everyone has said the same thing - the only attribute he possesses is that long throw.

 

[MrGloverLover]

What a glorious thread! Not quite a full 11 from Bournemouth, but close. Might be able to add to it given a bit more thinking time.
Oh, and the Posh fan including Shwan Jalal in this should wash his keyboard out with soap!

CB: Scott Guyett: Kevin Bond wanted a older head at the back, so he snapped up this 32 year old upon his release from Yeovil Town. Where Yeovil failed, Bond would succeed? No. Just no.

CB: Aaron Brown: Made his name at Stafford Rangers and Tamworth... then played a handful of times for us including most infamously once up front against Lincoln IIRC. His list of clubs reads as a who's who of lower league and non league. Randomly popped up at Preston at one point.

LM: Tareq Khalil: Released by Cardiff and snapped up on a year contract by Sean O'Driscoll. It immediately became apparent to all of us in a few pre-season games that it was unclear why the bloke qualified as a professional footballer. Didn't make a single senior appearance. Went on to spend most of his career at Merthyr Tydfil.

CM: Jo Tessem: When Kevin Bond became desperate to save us from League One relegation, he called upon this old Southampton contact. Jo turned up weighing about 20 stone and couldn't move outside of the centre circle.

CM: Michael Standing: the ultimate lower league journeyman midfielder. He'd make a handful of appearances at one mediocre lower league club before moving somewhere else. Actually managed to settle down for a while at Lewes FC.

ST: Amos Foyewa: Released by West Ham, and was compared to Jermaine Defoe. Defoe actually recommended Foyewa and AFCB to one another. Cheers Jermaine.... Went onto Woking for a couple of years before disappearing.

ST: Michael Rankine. Jimmy Quinn signed him from Rushden & Diamonds and immediately told us that he'd "become a fans favourite", such was Quinn's confidence. He was a big lump, but couldn't jump, run, control a ball, shoot, pass - anything. Missed a sitter of a header 5 minutes into his debut.

ST: Blair Sturrock: That man Quinn again, signed him from Swindon on loan. Had a comedy 'tash, and his footballing ability was equally comical.

Scott Guyett was great for us, no-nonsense CB but very dependable.

 

[rudebwoyben]

I think Scott Guyett did well for Chester City as well.
Someone mentioned Josh O'Keefe earlier on. From what Kiddy and Hereford fans have said, he's not much use at Conference level either.

 

[AmbiguousBon]

I could easily list the current first team but i'll go with this lot

Bondz N'Gala - A comedy defender. Just needed some big shoes and a red nose.
Richard Thompson - The worst striker i've seen play for us. Also had a terrible mullet, but then it was the 80s.
Marcus Jones - Bald, tall and shite. Frequently beaten to headers by players a foot shorter than him.
James Brown - Mystery player signed on for at least a season but of whom nothing was ever seen or heard. We still don't know if he actually existed.
Ali Slowe - Only had a professional contract because his Dad paid for it. Truly shocking in an Ali DIa way.
Andy Turner - Ex-Spurs winger, came with a lot of expectation and lived up to precisely none of it.
Pablo Bastianini - Record signing from Argentina, record disappointment.

I'd add Curtis Haynes-Brown and Craig Calver to that list aswell, plucked from the depths of non-league and after a handful of appearances quickly disappeared off back there.

 

[TrinidadsNumberOne]

I'd add Curtis Haynes-Brown and Craig Calver to that list aswell, plucked from the depths of non-league and after a handful of appearances quickly disappeared off back there.

I remember we had Haynes-Brown and Richard Hinds on trial with us and they ended up going straight to you when Dario said they weren't good enough, that always baffled me how they made it to League One.

 

[Aaron-Bcfc]

Good Alessane N'Diaye mentioned on here, that guy is(?) never a footballer, he'd make an excellent athlete but he has no footballing skills whatsoever. Basseya also played for us but I didn't catch any of his brief appearances for us.
John Akinde is having an amazing season for us. The problem for him at Bristol City was that that was the wrong move for him at the age of 19, he should never have gone to a League 1 club let alone a big club at that level where instant results are expected.
Mark Carter must have been about 37 when he joined Rochdale. For someone who was pretty much a finisher and relied on some pace earlier in his career, you wouldn't have seen the best of him.
Bondz N'Gala has been a good stopper for us this season and he was decent on -loan to us in League 2 as well in 12/13 but a League 1 level player? No way!
Exodus Geohagan has played for 372 different clubs and everyone has said the same thing - the only attribute he possesses is that long throw.

We were in the Championship when we signed Akinde

 

[rudebwoyben]

Well, then it was an even more absurd signing at the time.

 

[MrGloverLover]

I'd add Curtis Haynes-Brown and Craig Calver to that list aswell, plucked from the depths of non-league and after a handful of appearances quickly disappeared off back there.

Good call.