1FFACAS

[spireite]

The Tesco Finest Pilsner (from Marston's brewery) is surprisingly fucking nice.

 

[Alty]

Had a couple of proper pilsners recently. Granted they're better than Carling, Fosters, Stella et al...but they're still bland as, don't you think?

 

[spireite]

I dunno, I quite like 'em. More flavour to them than a standard lager. I like Staropramen too, but I'm not sure if that's a pilsner or not. I still prefer a proper real ale like a Jaipur or a Punk IPA, don't get me wrong!

 

[Craig]

Don't banish him!!

 

[SUTSS]

I had a bottle of Straw Dog from Wolf Brewery given to me. Not usually a fan of wheat beers so wasn't holding out much hope but tried it tonight and it was actually fairly drinkable.

 

[Martino Knockavelli]

Attended Burton Beer Festival tonight. To be quite frankly it was an eye opening exerperience for my mind's eye.

Full report and pictures to follow on the Jewish Sabbath (obv the finings situation is complex in that regard, no offence intended).

Good night.

 

[Stagat]

Good night.

Sounds it.

Had a few Blue Monkey Infinity last night in me local. A little too pale for me usual taste but, as PP mentioned earlier, it is a nice drink.

They also had one (that I forget that name of) that might have driven Carel to leaving the place. It sounded like one of his real ale parodies on here.

'Infused with blackberries and brewed with Champagne yeast' or summat.

Had a taster - was awful. Like a bitter 'n' black, if that was ever a thing in the Guinness 'n' black / snakebite 'n' black days of yore. The twattishness/taste ratio was all wrong. About 90/10 I estimate.

 

[Martino Knockavelli]

Owing to spending my afternoon making this gif the Burton Beer Festival report has been pushed back to Sunday or possibly later. Apologies to those I have let down.

 

[Martino Knockavelli]

FIELD REPORT PART I

Twas an early evening in late March that I found myself by circumstances of great happenstance attending the 2015 Burton Beer Festival. Our raiding party of five set forth across the old Trent Bridge, and only at this juncture that I was informed that all 4 of my fellow venturers were CAMRA members. Had I been kidnapped by insurgent hoppists? Was I to be indoctrinated into the Sea Org of Stout? Would my dear old ma find one of her marathon sessions of Candy Crush Saga rudely interrupted by the sight of her beloved son’s tear stained face on the 6 o’clock news, his severed head rattling around the bottom of a mash tun?

I would lying, dear reader, if I were to say that there were not a note of trepidation in my step, of disquiet in my heart. But this anxiety was commingled with a spirit of curiosity. Regular consumers of my content will surely have noted that I am an eternal scholar of life’s many wonders, a true believer in existence as a museum without walls, and I was eager to experience the rites of this bizarre subculture, as grotesque and abhorrent as its precepts and aesthetics may be to me.

The evening’s revelries began pleasantly, with a stop at the Burton Bridge, my joint favourite hostelry. Therein I enjoyed a pint of their ever reliable eponymous bitter (3.8 out of 5, well balanced, biscuity, very drinkable session bitter). From there we strode on through Burton’s godforsaken streets, the otherwise mild spring evening disturbed by a portentous wind that whipped dust and litter off the ground and cast it at our pink faces, as if the great creator himself was enjoining us to cease, to go back, to proceed no further.

Wounded but undeterred we sought shelter in my other joint favourite watering hole, the Coopers Tavern. Despatched to the bar I partook in hideously constipated small talk with the landlord (a friend of my father), was embarrassed by having to ask for a straw for one of the womenfolk in our party, and then compounded my humiliation by forgetting to buy myself a drink, necessitating a return to the bar and yet more enhanced interrogation technique-like bonhomie. Finally I secured myself a pint of Joules Blonde, (3.0 out of 5, citrusy, sweet character, light and drinkable), which was just about worth the effort.

Onward we went, and conscious of my somewhat awkward status as a singleton accompanying two couples I embarked on an over eager attempt to ingratiate myself to the pair i did not know well. I can’t recall how it came about but I performed a lengthy impression of a deaf man giving a best man’s speech, mangled diction and all. The joke went down rather well, actually, but immediately I regretted it. I had demeaned myself. I had played to the stalls instead of the boxes. It was not the image of casually erudite iconoclasm I had hoped to project. I am a contemptible twat, I thought, not for the first time in my life.

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[Veggie Legs]

I can't wait for part two.

 

[Martino Knockavelli]

FIELD REPORT PART II

Fortunately, our arrival at the town hall served as a caesura to my period of unpleasant self reflection. Since I’m not a member of the lunatic sect, since I’m not an A-list aleist, I had to pay £6 to enter, £20 including my tokens. Which was not altogether bad value. However, throughout this transaction I was greatly perturbed by the appearance of the woman serving me. Please understand that I am not a shallow man (I can scarcely afford to be with a face like mine), but I could not help but notice that the rim of her right nostril was decorated with an extravagant wart, and as I studiously avoided looking at it, like an old flame’s Facebook profile, it occurred to me that it resembled a miniature version of her head. I was conversing with a fractal woman, a romanesco broccoli given human form, an Arcimboldo composition in motion. Was her deformity a result of prolonged exposure to Authentic Ale™? Was it a wort wart? Had CAMRA’s fatuous dogma warped her physically as well as mentally? Would the same happen to me? Would I sprout a non artificially carbonated cask from my shoulder? Would my bowel movements now be strictly gravity dispensed?

FIND OUT IN PART 3

 

[Stagat]

A-list aleist

Like it.

 

[Alty]

Much as this is terrific, Martino, I can't help but feel there are probably more productive things you could be doing with your time. Maybe learn a language or go after your dream job? A man of your talents shouldn't be channeling his energy into imagined trips to Burton, surely?

Anyway, I did (a portion of) the Bermondsey Beer Mile last weekend which was quite enjoyable. 'Real ale-ites' would hate it because it's predominantly craft keg. And Moody Blue (RIP) would no doubt bemoan the gentrification of the area. But I quite enjoyed it. Brew By Numbers was probably my favourite. Anspach and Hobday was decent and we also discovered a bottle shop, imaginitively named The Bottle Shop, which was having a Scandinavian tap takeover. Really good place, that. Will be back in due course.

Second delivery from Beer 52 arrived this week too. I'm most intrigued by the Mikeller American Dream, To Øl Sofa King Pale and Buxton Wild Boar.

 

[Craig]

Neck Oil looks alright.

 

[Martino Knockavelli]

Once admitted I strode manfully ‘neath the Victorian arches of the town hall, only to discover that my ears were being assaulted by the alarming racket of an Irish folk rock band. The Chieftains these fellows were not. They were not even The Conscripted Privates. Worse still they were performing Fairytale of New York. Officially the greatest of all festive anthems, as any Channel 4 Top 100 Christmas Hits viewer can confirm, but hardly appropriate to this date and setting, to my mind. And was it just my imagination, or did the caterwauling lead singer spit out the word “****” with extra venom, as if to warn me that I had strayed into a territory that was not my own? At what point in a confessional account of a night at a beer festival should one retire the by now extremely irritating authorial crutch of repetitive rhetorical questions?

PART FOUR THAT’S WHEN

 

[Craig]

I'd wager you've a cupboard full of those souvenir pint pots.

 

[Martino Knockavelli]

FIELD REPORT PART IV

I began with half a pint of Phil’s Ale, since, hilariously, I was with my friend called Phil. (2.1 out of 5, hopped to death). By this time we had been joined by an old friend called Simon, and the hilarity was squared by a having a half pint of Simple Simon (2.6 out of 5, a doughty stout). I took great pleasure from the name of the tipple as the Simon in question was in the remedial class at our secondary school, a fact I never fail to remind him of on the 2 or 3 times a year I see him (it’s not bullying: as a practicing locum optometrist he is now far more successful, wealthy and happy than I, and to top it off he has an attractive and intelligent girlfriend who is a qualified lawyer. Thus I’m punching upwards rather than downwards, in accordance with the largely Marxist precepts that form the underpinnings of political correctness).

Alas there was no Martino’s Mild, no Carel’s Cask Ale, so this fruitful line of enquiry was brought to a lamentably premature end. I went for a wee and when I returned I discovered that my accomplices had found it amusing to furnish me with an horrific inky black 10% porter that used up about 50% of my tokens (0.0 out of 5, looked like bitchumen, tasted worse and I did very well not to sick it up onto the parquet flooring). I followed it with a Nene Valley Bitter (3.0 out of 5, well balanced, nice body, zesty and malty) and something named after Santa Fe or some other similarly incongruously evocative western American location (2.5 out of 5, can’t remember, so I assume it was neither good nor bad).

COMING SOON PART 5 WHICH FEATURES A WORRYING REVELATION PROMPTED BY A MOTOWN COVERS BAND AND AN ACCOUNT OF THE SCENE YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF HERE:

 

[Craig]

?

 

[Stagat]

Love that song.

Roland,
Roland,
Roland Roland Rivron,
Roland,
Roland,
Roland Roland Rivron,
etc.

 

[Martino Knockavelli]

By this point I was beginning to feel the effects of my libations, and very jolly I was too. These CAMRA people weren’t so bad after all. Fucking lunatics, granted, but nice enough with it. Good sorts. The sorts of folks who apologise if they bash into you whilst exiting the toilets. Maybe I would even join the campaign. Find myself a good woman. Get married. Retire from message boarding. Convert the garage into a microbrewery and rustle up a Peter Greenaway themed range of bottle conditioned ales. A broad vista of possibility had opened up ahead. I could be a different me. A better me. A happier me. Contentment dangled like a golden chalice if only I would reach out and grab it. I would do so tomorrow. Definitely.

A Motown covers band fronted by a Poundland Pixie Lott shuffled onto the stage and began tuning up, their guitars and saxamaphones burping and bubbling like an indigestion afflicted baby. As they plodded their way through a predictable repertoire (You Can’t Hurry Love, Stop In the Name of Love, Heard it Through the Grapvine, Valerie, et fucking al) I became aware of the movement of bodies around me. The mob had been seized by the spirit. It was an orgiastic display of writhing plaid, grey hair and bad t-shirts. It was Bacchanalia meets Dionysia crossed with that time they did Strictly Come Dancing for disabled people on BBC 3. It was horrific, repulsive, fascinating and beautiful. Francis Bacon, Hieronymus Bosch and Quentin Matsys could not have conjured such a scene. But, as the debased version of the soundtrack of black 1960s Detroit crashed around the room like a metal bin lid in a tornado, a realisation hit me like a fist to the gut. There were no black people here. This gathering was whiter than the Whirlwind Jimmy White eating a whitebait in white bread sandwich at Jack White’s custom built replica of the White House on the Isle of Wight. Was this the dirty little secret of CAMRA’s revanchist creed? Was their lambic luddism merely the acceptable face of something altogether more sinister? Was their Camelot foundation myth all a little bit Birth of a Nation? Was all their twatting on about chemical fizz and traditional methods and unreal beer merely code, a trojan horse, dog whistle politics? I departed puzzled and disturbed.

STAY TUNED FOR PART 6 AS MY EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER REACHES A FEVER PITCH

 

[Alty]

So, things to tell you about and a request for info.

Fuller's have produced what I think is a new golden ale. It's called Oliver's Island. It's okay but I wouldn't seek it out in future, I don't think.

I have discovered a new pub in Putney called The Jolly Gardeners which has a decent beer selection. Lagunitas IPA on tap in there which is really nice. They have 3 handpumps and also sell Beavertown beers in cans. All in all a good find.

The Swift in Putney, which is relatively new and took a while to find its feet, is just round the corner and always has a good range of craft beers on tap. Plus a massive bottle list. Throw in the fact you've got the Bricklayer's Arms round the corner for a more traditional kind of beer (Landlord and such like) and the top end of Putney near the bridge is now a good area for drinkers.

I have continued to raid the Beer Boutique's shelves regularly and discovered a number of interesting beers. Amongst the best of them were Life is a Peach by Siren, Savour Dubbel (Belgian-style but British-brewed), Orbit Neu Altbier and most unexpectedly, Schneider Weisse Unser Aventinus. That last one is a weizenbock. I've only had one weizenbock before and I hated it. But this was really quite nice. Lovely and malty with a hint of dark fruit.

The latest Beer 52 delivery arrived this weekend and I'm thoroughly looking forward to getting stuck into that. Two beers from Spain where apparently beer is really increasing in popularity.

And now for my request...

I'm off to Brussels, Ghent and Brugge next week and would like tips on what to do (both beer-related and otherwise!). Van Der Graaf's suggestions already noted but any others welcome.

 

[Mustard]

Prepare your liver. The beer in Bruges has probably an average % of around 7-8%, the last thing I remember was that fucking pink elephant on a Delirium tremens glass before pretty much blacking out. There's plenty of small, tucked away almost cafe like bars dotted around though with great selections to drink. I managed to dig out the names of one of them, Bierbrasserie Cambrinus. This place is like beer heaven, it's not the biggest (and better for it) but has a huge beer selection and relaxed atmosphere. Didn't eat there but drank a lot.

I also went to a great Argentinian steakhouse, Google suggests that the only place that could have been is called El Churrasco.

Don't climb the tower in Bruges on a hangover. I spent one of the worst hours of my life just queuing in the boiling sun (this was only in April, too) let alone walking up the ridiculously narrow and steep staircase itself. If the weather is good expect a queue.

Watch In Bruges if you haven't already. Great movie that does a good job of showing off the city.

I've not been to the others but Bruges itself is well worth the trip, great little city. I'm jealous, enjoy.

 

[Van Der Graaf]

First time I was ever black out drunk/got a pint legally was in Brugge a few years back. I was 16 and used to drinking Fosters cans, and decided then was the time, there and then, to experiment different ales ranging from 7%-12%. I would say I learnt my lesson.....Stay off the main square would be my main advice. some nice places (I'd recommend Cafe Craenenburg, good food and extensive beer menu). There's some nice pubs on Geenaartstraat and one on Philipstockstraat (name alludes me) down towards the Irish Pub that sells a shitload of different beers. The locals I know tend to drink along Oude Berg (behind the belfry) when in the city as tourists don't really venture there, although the further you walk away from Grote Markt the less tourists there are anyway.

Het Zand area is a good place to head for a bite to eat. Damme, a small village just outside of Brugge which is really nice from memory if you have time to head out that way. I'd say do the boat trip over the horses, if that's your thing.

I've only been to Gent to watch football, but is more 'proper, non-tourist' Belgium so hop into any bar to be treated like royalty and most will have local stuff for sale. There's the horse and carriage/boat stuff there as well I think.

Btw, if you didn't know - Next week is Club v Gent on Sunday, if you're interested/around. Will be a good game because of the Belgians stupid play off system, with both teams still able to win the league/going for europe. Also Anderlecht v Liege on that Sunday, another interesting game.

 

[Veggie Legs]

I'm off to Brussels, Ghent and Brugge next week and would like tips on what to do (both beer-related and otherwise!). Van Der Graaf's suggestions already noted but any others welcome.

I went to Brussels a few years ago for a friend's stag weekend. It's a nice city - friendly, quite compact, pleasant to just walk around - but there's not a whole lot of stuff to do as a tourist. I guess you could go to the European Parliament... In terms of bars, the only place I can actually remember going was the Delirium Cafe which was great, although I think basically everywhere we went was good. Huge range of beers everywhere, just try anything because it's all good. As others have said, watch the strength; I'm sure an experienced drinker like you knows what you're doing, but in my experience hangovers from Belgian beer are really horrible.

 

[Magic]

I wasn't blown away with Brussels as a city tbh. Nice enough but then again, it's not exactly renowned for being the number one place to go in Europe really. Good for beer though, even if I probably didn't see the best of that side being with mates less bothered about the stuff (if it's fizzy and cold it'd do for them). Delirium is spectacular though to be fair. Loads and loads of beers on tap and then hundreds available by the bottle. I just remember having a couple of 12% IPAs and being pretty squiffy. Was really nice though.

Probably didn't get the best out of the trip, though, as 21 year old students visiting merely as one of my mates had a year in industry over there. Not being made of money in an expensive city meant I didn't experience the beer side of it sufficiently. I'm sure you'll have/have had/be having a good time though Alty!

On a different note, there's a new microbrewery back home, The Harrogate Brewing Company and so far so good with the stuff I've tried. Always good to have another option here.

 

[markpvfc]

A few weeks ago I called into Gloucester services on the way home from Yeovil. Tthey have a farm shop that sells 20-30 bottled ales from local breweries, certainly made a change from the usual crap like WHSmith.

 

[The Paranoid Pineapple]

So, things to tell you about and a request for info.

Fuller's have produced what I think is a new golden ale. It's called Oliver's Island. It's okay but I wouldn't seek it out in future, I don't think.

I have discovered a new pub in Putney called The Jolly Gardeners which has a decent beer selection. Lagunitas IPA on tap in there which is really nice. They have 3 handpumps and also sell Beavertown beers in cans. All in all a good find.

The Swift in Putney, which is relatively new and took a while to find its feet, is just round the corner and always has a good range of craft beers on tap. Plus a massive bottle list. Throw in the fact you've got the Bricklayer's Arms round the corner for a more traditional kind of beer (Landlord and such like) and the top end of Putney near the bridge is now a good area for drinkers.

I have continued to raid the Beer Boutique's shelves regularly and discovered a number of interesting beers. Amongst the best of them were Life is a Peach by Siren, Savour Dubbel (Belgian-style but British-brewed), Orbit Neu Altbier and most unexpectedly, Schneider Weisse Unser Aventinus. That last one is a weizenbock. I've only had one weizenbock before and I hated it. But this was really quite nice. Lovely and malty with a hint of dark fruit.

The latest Beer 52 delivery arrived this weekend and I'm thoroughly looking forward to getting stuck into that. Two beers from Spain where apparently beer is really increasing in popularity.

And now for my request...

I'm off to Brussels, Ghent and Brugge next week and would like tips on what to do (both beer-related and otherwise!). Van Der Graaf's suggestions already noted but any others welcome.

Yeah, my local Fuller's have Oliver's Island on. As you say, it's ok - quite pleasant but nothing earth shattering. Of their more recent offerings I'm quite fond of the Wild River, although I think it only makes seasonal appearances on draught.

Lagunitas IPA is nice. One of the pubs near me has that on tap. How come craft keg offerings always seem to be so much more expensive than cask ales though? It's something that's only really hit home now that a couple of my local hostelries have expanded their ranges but the former always seem to be about a quid or so more expensive (there's one or two that are nudging a fiver a pint)! I could understand if they were all really exotic brews from far flung lands but the likes of Meantime, Camden Town, Beavertown (really like Gamma Ray by the latter) surely shouldn't be that dear.

Went to the George Inn in Borough, the other week, which is a pub I must have walked past loadsa times without ever venturing in. Historic old building, and a decent beer selection including a couple of Brewdogs on tap (Punk IPA and the very enjoyable Electric India, which I'd never had before). Pretty good.

I'm afraid my knowledge of Belgium extends only so far as a school trip to Ypres in the late 90s (I think?). If I was sampling any beer at all at the time I'm fairly sure it was nothing more exotic than Stella Artois...

 

[mistermagic]

Drank a whole lot of Heineken and Kro's last night.

 

[Alty]

Many thanks for the recommendations. We tried to squeeze in as much as we could.

Brussels - as a couple of you mentioned, it's not really geared up for tourists. Didn't help that we arrived in the driving rain and there are bafflingly few signposts/maps for tourists. When we arrived at the Tourist Info Office the bloke couldn't have been less enthusiastic. "There's not much to do when it's raining....*sigh*...you could go to the museum, I suppose". However, we did make it to Delirium Cafe which was bloody brilliant. Had 4 beers, all of which were 6% or above. I find really hard to retain the names because they always seem to be place name I've never heard of, followed by generic style (Brun, Dubbel, Tripel etc). But they were all great.

Brugge - Great place. Went to De Halve Maan Brewery for a tour in the morning. Lady guiding us was great and we got a free beer at the end. It was only about 7 Euros each. Good value. Then we had had a look round the city and enjoyed a few excellent beers. Then a meal and a drink at the Bierbrasserie Cambrinus. Absolutely excellent food and beer in there. Then the Brugge Historium Museum which was really interesting. And then another drink at the Duvel Cafe in the city's main square. I'll definitely be back to Brugge - loved it.

Gent - Really impressed. Surprised it doesn't seem to be as popular as Brugge as it's every bit as nice IMHO. Went on a really good river tour of the city and then headed to the Gent Beer House afterwards. We had to head off mid-afternoon which meant we couldn't see everything we wanted to. But I'll definitely be back here too.

I'm thinking I might do another trip to Belgium later in the year. Maybe for a a bit longer and substituting Brussels for either Ostende or Antwerp.

 

[Alty]

I wasn't blown away with Brussels as a city tbh. Nice enough but then again, it's not exactly renowned for being the number one place to go in Europe really. Good for beer though, even if I probably didn't see the best of that side being with mates less bothered about the stuff (if it's fizzy and cold it'd do for them). Delirium is spectacular though to be fair. Loads and loads of beers on tap and then hundreds available by the bottle. I just remember having a couple of 12% IPAs and being pretty squiffy. Was really nice though.

Probably didn't get the best out of the trip, though, as 21 year old students visiting merely as one of my mates had a year in industry over there. Not being made of money in an expensive city meant I didn't experience the beer side of it sufficiently. I'm sure you'll have/have had/be having a good time though Alty!

On a different note, there's a new microbrewery back home, The Harrogate Brewing Company and so far so good with the stuff I've tried. Always good to have another option here.

Big fan of Harrogate, me. Next time I'm in York I might head over that way and see if I can find a Harrogate Brewing Company beer or two.

Yeah, my local Fuller's have Oliver's Island on. As you say, it's ok - quite pleasant but nothing earth shattering. Of their more recent offerings I'm quite fond of the Wild River, although I think it only makes seasonal appearances on draught.

Lagunitas IPA is nice. One of the pubs near me has that on tap. How come craft keg offerings always seem to be so much more expensive than cask ales though? It's something that's only really hit home now that a couple of my local hostelries have expanded their ranges but the former always seem to be about a quid or so more expensive (there's one or two that are nudging a fiver a pint)! I could understand if they were all really exotic brews from far flung lands but the likes of Meantime, Camden Town, Beavertown (really like Gamma Ray by the latter) surely shouldn't be that dear.

Went to the George Inn in Borough, the other week, which is a pub I must have walked past loadsa times without ever venturing in. Historic old building, and a decent beer selection including a couple of Brewdogs on tap (Punk IPA and the very enjoyable Electric India, which I'd never had before). Pretty good.

I'm afraid my knowledge of Belgium extends only so far as a school trip to Ypres in the late 90s (I think?). If I was sampling any beer at all at the time I'm fairly sure it was nothing more exotic than Stella Artois...

I think the craft keg price cimply comes down to the fact it's trendy. If anything cask should be dearer as you lose a little bit of the beer as it gets to the end of the barrel.

Have seen the George Inn but never been. Will try next time I'm around there.