Britain's Best City

[Murphy]

I forgot to send a shit list but Stoke would definitely have been on there.

Didn't include Southampton in my favourites as I've never been, but I'm surprised it scored that low.

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

24. Ripon

C&B Opinion: They just give city status away these days.

Description: Originally called Inhrypum, it changed its name to stop it sounding like some yeast-based infection. During WWI, a large military camp was established in Ripon as there was ample supply of daft Yorkshire men to practice bayoneting on. It is the third smallest city in England, and one that even its residents would struggle to find on a map.

Famous People: http://www.visitoruk.com/Ripon/famous-people.html

C&B Fact: There's an annual pancake race held in Ripon however the health and safety brigade managed to end it temporarily in 2008. It's back on now and the locals can continue with their banalities again.

24. Winchester

C&B Opinion: It's basically Southampton's better looking, older brother.

Description: A previous capital of England, Winchester is a picturesque town in Hampshire. It is situated on the River Itchen, which is close to the River Scratchen. Jane Austen is probably its most famous ever resident and died, and is indeed buried there. Unfortunately, the Winchester Rifle is nothing to do with the town and therefore made this write-up a lot more difficult.

Famous People: Jack Dee, Colin Firth, Lucy Pinder

C&B Fact: There's a round table hanging in Winchester Castle bearing the names of Knights of Arthur's Court and it's an imitation. Of course it is, it's a made up story you morons.

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

The standings thus far:

That's your lot for a while.

 

[Ciderhead]

Great write-ups C&B! Nice to see someone else go for Ripon, thought I'd be alone in that.

And whoever thinks Gloucester is the worst city in the UK must live a very sheltered life indeed.

 

[Dr Mantis Toboggan]

good cities so far listed as shit cities

glasgow
sheffield
birmingham
belfast

 

[Craig]

I voted Ripon, fantastic race course there.

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

22. Ely

C&B Opinion: Lovely

Description: Ely is in Cambridgeshire and forms the highest part of the Fens. Perhaps a surprising 22nd place for it but finding its way to the top of one list means here it is. The origins of the name Ely are in contention and if you want to waste hours, read its Wikipedia page. Being surrounded by marshes, historically, eel fishing was popular. Maybe they should rename it...eely.

Famous People: Clive Woodward, Guy Pearce

C&B Fact: Other than Hampton Court Palace, the only remaining home used by Oliver Cromwell is in Ely, a place he spent 10 years in.

22. Salisbury

C&B Opinion: It's a bit plain...

Description: Again, a single vote got it this high and it is the only City in Wiltshire. Salisbury cathedral has the tallest spire in the UK and it also houses one of the remaining copies of the Magna Carta. The city is at the confluence of five rivers; The Nadder, Ebble, Wylye, Bourne and Joan. It is near Stonehenge, a circle of stones in the ground, the most exciting thing about this area.

Famous People: Joseph Feinnes, Anthony Daniels

C&B Fact: The cloth trade was a key part of Salisbury's history and the term "touching cloth" was in reference to shitting yourself at the thought of spending a weekend there.

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

good cities so far listed as shit cities

glasgow
sheffield
birmingham
belfast

I thought Glasgow would have been higher to be honest. Very nice there.

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

And here we are, the last entry before we reach the top 20.

21. Salford

C&B Opinion: Piggybacking on Manchester really

Description: Two votes give Salford 21st place and it just misses out on the top 20, thankfully. It can trace it's history back to Neolithic times, which is also a good way to describe its modern day residents. Salford Quays now houses Media City, a complex housing the BBC and Granada TV. Salford is surrounded by Manchester, Wigan, Bolton and Bury making it even worse than first thought.

Famous People: Elkie Brooks, Christopher Ecclestone, Albert Finney

C&B Fact: The percentage of married couples is way below the national average in Salford because marrying your sister is still illegal to this day.

 

[Abertawe]

good cities so far listed as shit cities

glasgow
sheffield
birmingham
Belfast
Swansea

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

In to the top 20 we go and first up is one I thought would do a little better.

20. Oxford

C&B Opinion: The lesser of the two main university cities

Description: Six people voted for Oxford but it still only just scraped in to the top 20. Originally named "Oxenaforda", meaning "A cow in a Mondeo", it is a city known as having the oldest English-speaking university in the world. It is also home to the first sub four-minute mile as Roger Bannister tried to run away from the city as fast as possible. It is responsible for the greatest band of all time, Radiohead so I can't be too harsh.

Famous People: Winston Churchill, Hugh Laurie, Stephen Hawking

C&B Fact: Hitler planned to use Oxford as his capital if he conquered Britain as it contains the highest readership of The Daily Mail anywhere.

 

[Madejski]

I'd never even heard of Ripon, and apparently it's an English city!

Amazes me the amount of tiny cities we have in (Northern) England, when in the South (particularly central) there are hardly any.

 

[Veggie Legs]

Oxford is lovely, would be great place to live if it wasn't so horrifically expensive. Better than Cambridge in my opinion

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

18. Leeds

(You can see my second home in that picture)

C&B Opinion: My second home these days and I love and hate it equally

Description: This is the first city to finish top on at least one list and also on at least 1 shit list. Leeds is a city in Yorkshire and the second-placed from that county. It can trace it's history to the 5th century when the name referred to a wooded area of the Kingdom of Elmet - there's a nob joke there somewhere. It is the windiest place I have ever known and also the one with the slowest people ever witnessed. If you want to cheese in a shop, order milk. An inhabitant of Leeds is known as a Loiner...or a loner for short.

Famous People: Brownlee Brothers, Gaby Logan, Chris Moyles

C&B Fact: The late, great, entertainer Jimmy Savile staged the world's first disco in Leeds in 1943. Whatever happened to him?

18. Lincoln

C&B Opinion: In the middle of nowhere

Description: Previously named Lindum Colonia, meaning Lindum's colon, because of the smell of the place, Lincoln can trace its roots back to the Iron Age. Lincoln is the birth place of the tank (the big gun on wheels, not a fish's house) and made many during the war. The city is split in to two areas by the River Witham known locally as Uphill and Downhill confirming Lincolnshire folk are as boring as their county.

Famous People: George Boole, William Byrd

C&B Fact: In a weird twist of fate, the man responsible for the city's water supply in 1904, Liam Kirk, was killed by Typhoid from polluted drinking water along with 130 others.

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

Three quarters of the way there, 17 fine cities left. I doubt there'll be any more added today.

 

[Dr Mantis Toboggan]

surprised how low leeds is

 

[slaphead]

Re: Salisbury.

It's Magna Carta, not the Magna Carta,

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

 

[Murphy]

Admittedly only ever go to Oxford for football, but I'm not keen on it.

 

[Etienne Vermeer]

Admittedly only ever go to Oxford for football, but I'm not keen on it.

I was one of the votes for Oxford, it's a lovely town away from from the football ground, which is in an ugly sink estate.

 

[Veggie Legs]

Admittedly only ever go to Oxford for football, but I'm not keen on it.

The football ground is miles from the city centre, on the edge of the UK's biggest council estate, I don't think it shows Oxford in its best light.

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

The cities still left in it are (in alphabetical order in case anyone reads in to it too deeply...)

 

[Murphy]

The football ground is miles from the city centre, on the edge of the UK's biggest council estate, I don't think it shows Oxford in its best light.

Oh I know that, we always go into the city centre because there's nothing near the ground. I just don't particularly like it whenever I've been there, same with Cambridge really. Probably the sort of place I'd like if I lived there/on the outskirts, but when visiting for one or two days at a time I can never quite bring myself to like it.

 

[slaphead]

How the fuck is Norwich still in there. Horrible hole inhabited by webbed footed, six fingered inbreds.

 

[Ebeneezer Goode]

Oxford and Cambridge are too nice to have a scummy football ground in the middle of them.

 

[markpvfc]

My top 4 and most hated are all still in there, watch my most hated win it.

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

My top 4 and most hated are all still in there, watch my most hated win it.

I'd say it's got a chance...

 

[Habbinalan]

I voted Ripon, fantastic race course there.

.....But it's on the other side of the fucking A1 to Ripon. That said, some decent pubs and butchers.

 

[Craig]

Well yeah it's a race course, be a bit daft to have it in the village square.

 

[Magic]

Ripon's ok but surprised it made the list. Liverpool is windier than Leeds.

My two observations so far.