League Two's Sexiest Manager: You Won't Believe How Much #4 Spends on Grooming Products!

[Luke Imp]

The rubbish one isn't on the list, as he isn't actually manager is he? Officially?

Nah, not in name like Hurst Scott but wage wise they are.

 

[Vanni]

Yep, I read about how Danny earns more than his bro, and so they share their wages. A proper old fashioned Commie our Danny is. See, I know quite a few men who proclaim to be commies, but once you ask them for a fag they tell you to buy your own Well done Comrade Danny.

Anyways, not only is our Danny a Red, he's also a kind and generous soul, and tbh I'm not sure I would do the same if I were in his shoes. Let's be frank here, we all know who's the clever, smart one out of the two, the one who decides the playing formation, tactics and so. I imagine all Nicky does is the easy stuff, like taking the lads out for a 5 mile run, or running errands for his older brother and his wife.

PS - SOC, careful what you say about our boy Luke Chadwick. I'll let you this one time though.

 

[Youpies]

The more I read about Danny Cowley the more I realise he must be Jesus. I can only hope that SOC confirms this in his write up. The level of worship means he must be Jesus. I need to join the Lincoln fans in the church of Cowley

 

[Luke Imp]

That'll be Lord Cowley to you lot, please.

Only people from the Land of the Imps are allowed to speak about and refer to him on first name terms.

 

[shoddycollins]

20: Darren Way

Towards the end of his Manchester United days, Luke Chadwick was loaned out a few times. They sent him to nice interesting places. Reading at first. He always liked Reading. People didn’t laugh in his face in Reading, like they did in Manchester. Then, they sent him to Antwerp. Luke Chadwick loved his time in Belgium. Antwerp wasn’t too far from the Flemish community of Vlaanderen, where there was a thriving opera scene. Chadwick became enthralled with the vibrancy of the stage. He started taking ballet classes and was finally feeling like he was becoming the real Luke Chadwick. However, Manchester United recalled him and sent him on a second domestic loan. To Burnley. Burnley was everything Antwerp was not. The height of cultural references from the citizens of Burnley was The Goonies and people would regularly stop Chadwick in the street and loudly impersonate the character Sloth from said film at him and shout into his face about how Sloth wouldn’t have been loaned out to Reading if he played for Manchester United. Burnley was a cruel city for Chadwick. Squat, grey and uninviting. He was tired of being labelled as the ugliest footballer of all time so in the summer of 2004, when he was in heat, he set about mating with the ugliest woman he could find. The baby was hideous, which pleased Chadwick. Chadwick named his grotesque baby Darren Way and began training him to be a professional footballer immediately. Chadwick’s plan was to ensure that his son would become the ugliest footballer of all time. Chadwick was, however, unaware that his own mangled face was a by-product of his own bitterness and insecurities. Darren Way was growing up to be a happy little boy who loved to play football. The happier he grew, the less ugly his face developed. Chadwick, sensing that Darren was close to becoming less ugly than himself, became enraged. On his 11th birthday Chadwick put Darren in a box that was almost exactly the same shape and size as him, thus meaning that Darren Way would no longer see sunlight nor would he ever grow into a fully sized adult. Chadwick opened the box 18 years later and banished his son to Yeovil, where the ugly deformed man shoehorned into the body of a malnourished pre-pubescent child somehow carved out a reasonable lower league career as a tough tackling central midfielder. Once again, Darren’s beast like face began to remedy itself through the solace he found in football. Chadwick, again enraged, opted for more drastic measures. He drove down to Yeovil and deliberately ran Darren Way off the side of the road, causing a huge accident. Darren Way’s football career was over, but what Luke Chadwick hadn’t banked on was that Darren Way’s face couldn’t possibly get any worse and the impact from the big smash actually knocked his facial features into their correct places thus making him way more handsome than Chadwick. Nowadays, Darren Way looks relatively normal. However, Yeovil folklore suggests that should you pass by the Way household on a full moon and dare to glance high onto the rooftop, then you will see a ghastly misshapen previous incarnation of Darren Way howling “FATHER? WHHYYYY?!” into the night sky.
Favourite thing about being in love: Snuggles
Most frequently visited adult site: Spankwire
Love style: Industrious

Best one yet!

 

[shoddycollins]

Level of Adulation on this forum

1. Rakish Bingham
2. Danny Cowley
3. Dan Holman
4. Steve Evans
5. Jabo Ibehre
6. Jack Marriot
7. Keith Curle
8. Mal Benning
9. Abergas
10. John Akinde

Cowley has made an impressive start to Lincoln City's tenure on this sub-forum

 

[Trapdoor]

Can't believe Sir Rakish is being mentioned in the same context as the rest of these plebians. Outrage!

 

[Crewelad87]

Level of Adulation on this forum

1. Rakish Bingham
2. Danny Cowley
3. Dan Holman
4. Steve Evans
5. Jabo Ibehre
6. Jack Marriot
7. Keith Curle
8. Mal Benning
9. Abergas
10. John Akinde

Cowley has made an impressive start to Lincoln City's tenure on this sub-forum

Lady vale would be distraught at the over looking of Sir Stuart Tomlinson

 

[shoddycollins]

Lady vale would be distraught at the over looking of Sir Stuart Tomlinson

What's a Stuart Tomlinson?

 

[That Fat Centre Half]

Level of Adulation on this forum

1. Rakish Bingham
2. Danny Cowley
3. Dan Holman
4. Steve Evans
5. Jabo Ibehre
6. Jack Marriot
7. Keith Curle
8. Mal Benning
9. Abergas
10. John Akinde

Cowley has made an impressive start to Lincoln City's tenure on this sub-forum

Absolute travesty that Danny Hylton has not made this list

 

[mowgli]

Absolute travesty that Danny Hylton has not made this list

Probably because he falls over if someone is within half a mile of him,Ainsworth has our players using the dark arts which i despise but none of our players are as bad as Hylton who has a reputation from his time at Oxford.

 

[Aber gas]

Level of Adulation on this forum

1. Rakish Bingham
2. Danny Cowley
3. Dan Holman
4. Steve Evans
5. Jabo Ibehre
6. Jack Marriot
7. Keith Curle
8. Mal Benning
9. Abergas
10. John Akinde

Cowley has made an impressive start to Lincoln City's tenure on this sub-forum

Eh ?

 

[lordofthepies]

What's a Stuart Tomlinson?

He's a wrestler who used to be Crewe's second choice goalkeeper.

 

[Dan Phillips]

He's a wrestler who used to be Crewe's second choice goalkeeper.

Not anymore he isn't.

 

[lordofthepies]

Not anymore he isn't.

Oh yeah, didn't realise that he'd gone back to football.

He's a former wrestler who also used to be Crewe's reserve goalkeeper.

 

[PuB]

I need updates SoC, you are letting us all down

 

[Vanni]

You're slacking SOC, and patience ain't one of my virtues sadly. I had a spare 5 mins (so it's a bit of a rush job - first disclaimer) and I made up my own list. Second disclaimer is that women often tell me that I have got absolutely no clue on what they look for in a man, and who's good looking or not. I also used the images in GTFCFish's link, so that's another disclaimer.

1. Harry Kewell
2. Keith Curle
3. Michael Flynn
4. Mark Robins
5. Kevin Nolan
6. Danny Cowley
7. Paul Tisdale
8. Shaun Derry
9. Gary Caldwell
10. Gareth Ainsworth
11. Rossi Eames
12. Jim Bentley
13. Nathan Jones
14. Mark Cooper
15. Darren Sarll
16. John McGreal
17. David Flitcroft
18. Darren Way
19. John Coleman
20. Steve Evans
21. Gary Johnson
22. Russell Slade
23. Michael Brown
24. David Artell

Now let's see if you and I have ranked some managers in the same position. Oh FFS, why can't the season commence right f'king now

 

[PuB]

Your people need you SoC, where is your response and where are you? Dancing around the perimeter talking to the likes of AFCB_Mark , and not us, that's where.

For the privileged few and not the many. You make me sick.

 

[lordofthepies]

24. David Artell

I used to have a lot of time for you, Vanni.

 

[Aber gas]

I know something about doing pointless lists. Give SoC a break, stuff like this takes time.
Settle down peasants.

 

[PaulHaddock]

My list:

Harry Kewell
Nathan Jones
Danny Cowley
Paul Tisdale
Keith Curle
Rossi Eames
Gareth Ainsworth
Kevin Nolan
David Flitcroft
Jim Bentley
Mark Robins
Mark Cooper
John Mcgreal
Shaun Derry
Gary Caldwell
Russell Slade
Darren Sarll
Michael Brown
Michael Flynn
Darren Way
John Coleman
Dave Artell
Gary Johnson
Steve Evans

 

[GTFCfish]

Jesus Christ the stuff we all chat about when there's no football!

Roll on August 5th ffs!

 

[GTFCfish]

I'm not surprised actually that everyone's got Harry Kewell at the top as when I first met my wife 14 long torturous blissfully happy years ago and we asked each other who famous we fancied and hers was Harry Kewell.
Funny thing now is that if mentioned she seems to have a fading memory and denies ever saying it and that she never fancied him and 'he looks like a monkey' (lol I definitely believe her) but yet she never seems to forget that mine was Shania Twain.
Strange that eh?

 

[Big Bird]

I'm not surprised actually that everyone's got Harry Kewell at the top as when I first met my wife 14 long torturous blissfully happy years ago and we asked each other who famous we fancied and hers was Harry Kewell.
Funny thing now is that if mentioned she seems to have a fading memory and denies ever saying it and that she never fancied him and 'he looks like a monkey' (lol I definitely believe her) but yet she never seems to forget that mine was Shania Twain.
Strange that eh?

I also like Shania Twain.

My Mrs is her number 1 fan (exaggerated obvs) so for Christmas I bought her the Shania Las Vegas Tour dvd. She gets to listen, I get to perv. Everyone's a winner.

 

[Son of Cod]

I released a statement in the shoutbox on Friday that I won't be updating this over the weekend and I also sent a Wechat message to lordofthepies to say I have had a busy afternoon, apologies for the delays, alas on with the feature...

19: Jim Bentley

You might remember at the end of the 2009/10 season, Morecambe had about 50k spare and they decided to spend half of it building a new stadium and the other half putting a cartoon prawn on all of their shirts and merchandise. At the time, it was widely acknowledged that the prawn was a reference to their nickname. However, recently we've been hearing a few rumours that offer an alternative origin. We caught up with Morecambe chairman, Peter McGuigan, to see if he could shed any light on this. "Oh yeah, the rumours are completely true. What happened was, I was giving the logo design team a tour of the training ground. Jim Bentley is always the last one to leave the changing rooms at the end because the other lads like to go and play Instagram but Bentz doesn't have a smartphone so he stays back to practice his songs and dancing. Now, on this particular day he was performing a particularly vigorous rendition of one his favourite Let Loose tracks wearing only a towel. As I opened the door to the changing room, Jim thrusted so strongly that his towel fell off revealing his manhood to the whole team. However, this was no ordinary manhood. I shit you not, Jim Bentley's todger looks exactly like a prawn. It curves around underneath itself and when he shrieks, as he did when we walked in him, it unravels itself and rears its head bearing its beady eyes and twitchy legs. It was a sight to behold! We all agreed immediately that we had found the focus for the logo. Jim wasn't too keen at first, particularly when we put him and his little fella in a 3D scanner, but with Jim you just have to compliment him and he is very easy to manipulate so we just used a bit of the stadium money to hire a team to give his weird prawn penis a load of praise. By the end of the design process, Jim was walking around the place wearing just a really small t-shirt and football socks. There was an arrow on the t-shirt pointing down to his crotch and above the arrow the words "IF YOU'VE GOT TACOS I'VE GOT SHRIMP" were emblazoned. It got a bit much when the U12s girls came into train on Tuedays so we had to have a quiet word with him."
Top date tip: Always wear tight shorts and bend over in front of her as much as possible
Favourite type of porn: Anything with Asian MILFs
Love style: Gentle

 

[Chris FGR]

For fuck sake. Should come with a health warning that. Next time I have prawns it's gonna be tough to shake that mental picture.

 

[PaulHaddock]

'If you've got tacos I've got shrimp' I will remember this line for months.

 

[GTFCfish]

Jim Bentley's lawyer is gonna be busy today.

 

[Trapdoor]

If some of these facts cut a bit close to the bone could SOC be sued for libel?

 

[Son of Cod]

If some of these facts cut a bit close to the bone could SOC be sued for libel?

I believe all content falls under the 1FF banner and I will definitely sacrifice the whole website over my own needs should the situation arise.