League Two's Sexiest Manager: You Won't Believe How Much #4 Spends on Grooming Products!

[Luke Imp]

No, I have been monitoring the likes and the Mansfield lot have been very responsive. The Lincoln fans are clearly waiting for their bae.

If it makes you feel any better, I think I've only ever 'liked' two posts on this forum, and one of those was accidental...

 

[Vanni]

If it makes you feel any better, I think I've only ever 'liked' two posts on this forum, and one of those was accidental...

And if it makes you feel any better, you're one of the more sensible and decent Lincoln fans on this forum. And knowledgeable on footy stuff too.

Now give me a 'like'.

Please?

 

[Chris FGR]

And if it makes you feel any better, you're one of the more sensible and decent Lincoln fans on this forum. And knowledgeable on footy stuff too.

I'm confused, who is this you're describing? Is there another Luke Imp on 1FF?

 

[GTFCfish]

And if it makes you feel any better, you're one of the more sensible and decent Lincoln fans on this forum. And knowledgeable on footy stuff too.

Now give me a 'like'.

Please?

Luke Imp like's this.

 

[Laker]

Luke Imp like's this.

With an apostrophe? "Special" like?

;-)

 

[Tom_CUFC]

I dread to think what's been going on in the green room for the last 2 weeks as the remaining managers wait for their name to be called, shenanigans.

 

[Chris FGR]

Luke Imp like's this.

He wont like your PISS POOR PUNCTUATION though.

 

[Spirederman]

Off to the Shoutbox to give SoC a nudge in this direction if he's dwelling there currently

 

[Son of Cod]

16: Darren Sarll

Okay, I have to confess. I have absolutely nothing to say about this guy. Never heard of him before. The reason this update has taken so long is partly because I've been really busy but also partly because Darren Sarll is probably the most insignificant manager in the division. However, it's not like I haven't been trying. I was gonna do a whole thing about him being some version of Sarlacc from Star Wars. Sarll...Sarlacc? It was going to involve the pit of Darren Sarlacc and Steve Evans as Jabba the Hut and maybe Harry Kewell in a gold bikini and Cowley saving the day, but honestly it wasn't great and would have alienated anyone that hasn't seen whatever Star Wars film that scene is from. I then copied a Star Wars fan page all about Sarlacc and changed the wording to relate to Sarll/Stevenage, but again...it wasn't great. So instead, I have just drawn a picture of him in Paint.

Most memorable sexual experience: That time a female remembered his name.
Face: Rubbish
Love style: Forgettable

 

[Meadow]

Being a female of a certain age, it's gotta be said that most of them don't do it for me. Ainsworth possibly, Curle almost certainly and Tisdale if he hasn't so much of a dandy. Cowley's a bit phwoar but he's too young for me. Ditto Kewell.

 

[Son of Cod]

Being a female of a certain age, it's gotta be said that most of them don't do it for me. Ainsworth possibly, Curle almost certainly and Tisdale if he hasn't so much of a dandy. Cowley's a bit phwoar but he's too young for me. Ditto Kewell.

Did you see the picture earlier in the thread showing Cowley's monstrous right side of face? Also, I don't get the Curle love at all. When wearing a suit he looks like the accountant of an evil Russian overlord from an 80's Bond film.

 

[Luke Imp]

And if it makes you feel any better, you're one of the more sensible and decent Lincoln fans on this forum. And knowledgeable on footy stuff too.

Now give me a 'like'.

Please?

Correct answer.

I'm confused, who is this you're describing? Is there another Luke Imp on 1FF?

Oooo, you bitch. I thought we were promotion fweinds.

But yes, there is another Luke Imp, or luke_imp to be precise. Not seen since October 2015...

 

[Luke Imp]

Did you see the picture earlier in the thread showing Cowley's monstrous right side of face? Also, I don't get the Curle love at all. When wearing a suit he looks like the accountant of an evil Russian overlord from an 80's Bond film.

 

[Son of Cod]

LINCOLN PORN

 

[Richard Cranium]

 

[George Reilly's Hairpiece]

 

[GTFCfish]

 

[Son of Cod]

 

[shoddycollins]

Also, I don't get the Curle love at all. When wearing a suit he looks like the accountant of an evil Russian overlord from an 80's Bond film.

Possibly a Wimbledon thing, though accountant of an evil Russian overlord doesn't imply unattractive.

 

[shoddycollins]

View attachment 6807

You know the 'attractiveness of namesake' battle comes down to between us and youse.

 

[Son of Cod]

Possibly a Wimbledon thing, though accountant of an evil Russian overlord doesn't imply unattractive.

True. Should have added "with silly hair and rubbish glasses".

 

[Vanni]

Anybody else reckon Cowley the shit one is better looking than his older bro, the famous one?

 

[Chris FGR]

 

[shoddycollins]

I wonder if Harry Kewell still has action-man hair

 

[Son of Cod]

15: Mark Robins, 14: Michael Brown, 13: David Flitcroft, 12: Gareth Ainsworth, 11: David Artell
Clothes haphazardly strewn across the floor as if ripped off in a flourish of excitement. A grainy video of what appears to be two figures cavorting and groaning while entwined within an ecstatic embrace plays on a small television screen. "Oh! That was a tit...that is a tit. YES!" exclaims a sweaty Mark Robins who is perched upon the end of his bed slipping a crispy white sports sock onto his erect penis. The door opens. In walks his mother to say goodnight and collect his dirty washing. Robins madly scrambles for the nearest pillow and manages to barely cover his alert member. A female voice on the TV blares out the words "OH YES BABY RIDE ME LIKE A PONY" just as Robins' mother is leaving the room and his father his passing his bedroom door. "Oh my god, Honey, I think he's trying to watch some illegal channel!" she angrily informs her husband who is entering the room. "No that's just the reception, here give me that..." says Robins' father reaching for both the TV remote and, somewhat inexplicably, the pillow thus revealing Robins' garment covered sausage throbber.
*ROLL OPENING CREDITS*
Four high school friends are feeling worthless and pathetic. Mark Robins, Michael Brown, Gareth Ainsworth and David Artell are all going to college in a matter of weeks and all four of them are virgins. Things come to a head one morning when they are sat around downstairs at David Flitcroft's mum's house. The previous night had been one of Flitcroft's legendary house parties. Darren Way comes downstairs accompanied by a rather fetching young lady. Way shows her out after sharing an embrace and a giggling of sweet nothings into each other's ear. Upon her departing, Way brags "we were doing the wild thing...aaaall night." Yes, that's right. EVEN DARREN WAY is getting laid. The four friends decide to make a pact. They all must get laid before going to college.
Fortunately for Michael Brown, his long term girlfriend (Tara Reid) is looking to develop their relationship further despite concerns that he is only interested in her for sex. David Artell also lucks out when he meets Mena Suvari in the school choir. Much to David Flitcroft's disgust Mena Suvari makes David Artell quit the lacrosse team in an attempt to prove that he is actually quite sensitive and not just a knuckle dragging neanderthal. Michael Brown's story arch is really boring and unnecessary, but suffice to say Tara Reid lets him bone her eventually and then they predictably break up. David Artell's is only slightly less boring but necessary as it enables David Flitcroft, a raucous jock who often throws wild parties, and his hilarious antics to be shoehorned into the tale.
One such antic involved Mark Robins and a beautiful Slovakian exchange student, by the name of Nadia. Robins had been scoping out Nadia for quite some time and was hopeful that he could trick her into going to prom with him by helping her study for a history exam. Robins invited Nadia round to his house to study and to his delight, she accepted. Flitcroft, or Flifler as he was known to his peers, persuaded Robins to set up a web cam in his room so that when she came round and got changed in his room (this is 100% what always happens when a hot Solvakian girl comes into your bedroom, of course) he could send it round to his friends so they could watch. Robins of course obliges and settles down with a few of his friends around the corner from his house to enjoy the show. But ohno! What has Mark Robins done? He's only gone and beamed it out to the whole town instead of just Michael Brown's laptop! Everybody is conveniently online at the same time and can see it! Flifler is watching it with his little brother, Darren Way is watching, The Cowleys stop using their big future soccer computer to watch, even Blink 182 who are practicing in a garage in the same town have put their instruments down and have started watching it. Nadia though, the minx, doesn't stop at just getting changed. She spots one of Mark Robins' favourite copies of Razzle on his bed side table and begins to play with herself while looking at pictures of Lynn and Doug from Gravesend. Mark Robins announces "THERE IS A BEAUTIFUL GIRL MASTERBATING ON MY BED!!" David Artell looks at his friend and tells him to get over there and ask her if she needs a hand. Blink 182 start playing Mutt from their seminal album, Enema of the State. Mark Robins runs over and interrupts Nadia who makes him dance and strip for her. Nadia beckons Mark Robins onto the bed. Mark Robins can't believe his luck. He's about to have sex with Nadia! Nadia seductively runs her lithe fingers up from Mark Robins' knobbly left knee towards his ball sack. However before she reaches his ginger love muscle, he explodes with the force of an earthquake. TWICE. Everybody at school has seen or heard about the experience. Mark Robins has been to and left a sticky mess in some horrible places; Rotherham, Coventry, Scunthorpe, Coventry again...however, this time he has really left his reputation in tatters. The only girl that will go to prom with him is band camp enthusiast Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It turns out that she is a bit mental and is into sticking weird things in her vagina, including Mark Robin's carrot coloured thunder stick of joy.
Gareth Ainsworth, on the other hand, has been doing quite well with the ladies. He paid the crazy redhead crackhead from Orange is the New Black $200 to spread rumours around school that he has an enormous schlong. The prom date offers come flooding in, much to the annoyance of David Flitcroft who puts laxative in Ainsworth's skinny mochaccino and points him in the direction of the ladies toilet at school and gathers all his potential prom dates outside the bathroom to ensure they not only see him exiting but that they also smell his runny poo. Gareth Ainsworth will attend prom alone and depressed. However, at the prom after party hosted by David Flitcroft, Gareth Ainsworth will reap his revenge by ravishing Flifler's mom over the pool table. Who delighted David Flitcroft's mother? Gareth Ainsworth. In the billiards room. With the pool cue.
So there we have it, all four sexy managers managed to lose their virginities before college.

Mark Robins
Tinder bio: "Just a lonely Robins searching for his Batman"
Celebrity crush: Cat Deeley
Love style: Improving

Michael Brown
Biggest turn-off: Women who are too clean
Sexiest food: Eggs
Love style: Feeble

David Flitcroft
If he could be whisked away to anywhere by his lover he would go to: Belfast
There's nothing sexier than: A drunken slapper flashing her knickers
Love style: Spirited

Gareth Ainsworth
Secret sex shame: Waits for for his conquests to fall asleep and then wraps their hair around his penis and masterbates while thinking about how much better his own hair is
Favourite place to meet females: Waterstones
Love style: Seedy

David Artell
Fave chat up line: "...but have you seen me in my glasses?"
Sex spirit animal: Kingfisher
Love style: As precise as a top class sushi chef

 

[lordofthepies]

I liked that post for Artell's chat up line.

 

[shoddycollins]

Ainsworths sex shame is inspired

 

[Spirederman]

Caldwell is gonna be top 3, I just know it.

His piggy eyes mean he's nailed on to be sent af.

 

[Spirederman]

Dayum, couldn't find the 'Cums' version

 

[Trapdoor]

They should make a film out of SOCs latest effort. Very high quality work!