The Sports Direct worst 50 1FF posters list

[Leewilson]

Essentially, Saltire is everyone's dad (except not mine because mine's still at the stop buying a loaf of bread and some milk. Only been 18 years now, daddy).

Superb

 

[Ebeneezer Goode]

The fact he would give a job to a less qualified white english man over an immigrant.

A British citizen over a non-British citizen I think you meant to say.

 

[Steady]

...and the bronze goes to...

3rd place (78 points, 12 lists)

Twat
Because anyone who likes a post are a sycophant.
Boring, so utterly boring. Ex-TFF admin but still a massive prick.
Again, I really think he is alright and can be helpful as hell in most areas across the forum... but man, does his get a stick up his ass when he thinks he's right about something. Stubborn as a mule and anybody who disagrees is just an idiot.
Was a c*** on TFF, forever talking about Mobile fucking phones, and belittling younger posters than himself. Thinks he has Encyclopaedic Knowledge on anything and everything when he's just a boring old c***, who's views don't really count IMO. Been a c*** on here too, if it is indeed him.

Pagnell (10+10+9+9+8+7+7+5+4+4+3+2)​

What a birthday present for smat. We're in with the big fish now. A whopping 12 lists, with them coming in from both old clique and new. Pagnell is your third most hated 1FF/TFF member.

A mainstay to say the least on TFF, he was the miserable old bastard everyone loved to hate (unless they had a problem with one of their electronic possessions). Liverpool fan Pagnell was a regular in the Premier League forum, the General Chat and also the shoutbox. To his credit, he was the only member of admin who was actually active by the end.

But he was still a massive dick. Captain Fence-Sitter, Lieutenant Condescension, Admiral Monotonous Fuck. His stubbornness was actually endearing and affable at times. Not too often, mind.

Pagnell also pretty much embodied the 'every poster definitely looks like their avatar' trail of thought on TFF. Back in the days when not everyone was obsessed with seeing what people actually looked like, all we had to go off was an avatar. To me and many others, Pagnell was the spitting image of Bill Hicks (except he actually looks like Kelly Jones from Stereophonics).

And yet I have an air of disappointment that he has not posted on these fair shores since early May. He might have been a miserable bastard, but he was our miserable bastard. And he is your third biggest mug.
​

Ratio: 0.355. Not too good but not too bad. Have that, you fence-sitting bastard.​

 

[IanH]

This is what I posted in the Top 50 posters, when Pagnell inexplicably got a mention.

Pagnell is an enigma and, as Son of Cod would say, he's certainly has a brand.

The problem I've always had with him is that he comes across as condescending, hypocritical and a bore and on TFF it was almost impossible to find a thread without his drivel plastered all over it.

Start a thread about holidays - he goes on holidays to Devon, and going abroad is a waste of money and the sun is shit anyway.

Start a thread on Top Gear - he feels it's the worst series to date and they should have stopped six years ago and if you find it entertaining you're a moron, but he still watches it every week.

Start a thread about fashion - he insults what everyone buys / wears, especially if they happened to spend more than £5 on it.

Start a thread on rating the board's members - he insinuates how pathetic and desperate it all is, yet probably (clique aside) has posted more than anyone in the thread.

The mystifying thing though, is that I still want to like him. I honestly just think he's addicted and needs help.

Three months on, I'm glad to see his addiction is being addressed. I don't think I want to like him anymore though.

 

[G.B]

I like Pags me.

 

[Ebeneezer Goode]

I thought the 1FF Pags was an imposter.

 

[Steady]

So here we bloody go. Blood, sweat, tears and likes have all led to this moment. The reveal of the biggest mug on 1FF. There's little secret as to the identity of the two remaining posters, but it's the order which needs determining.

So will it be the pretty boy, homophobic misogynist who lives in Dubai and no-one likes, or will it be the pretty boy, homophobic misogynist who wants to live in Dubai and no-one likes?...

 

[Bottega Don]

Graphical masterpiece.

 

[BlueBee]

Poor dad.

 

[Leewilson]

UTS's face scares me.

 

[mnb089mnb]

I thought the 1FF Pags was an imposter.

TFF one was an imposter, the 1FF one was the real one.

 

[lordofthepies]

If Posh Hammer doesn't win this, he's been absolutely robbed and you should all be ashamed of yourselves.

 

[Steady]

2nd place (81 points, 11 lists)

The sorta bloke who wears his wifes nightie.
Narcissistic, misogynistic, idiotic, barely literate cockwomble.
Attention seeking prick, his posts in the best members thread were utterly nauseating.

Posh Hammer (10+10+10+10+10+9+8+6+4+3+1)

Dem 10s. That's right; Posh Hammer can now stop pretending he doesn't give a shit where he finishes in this list, as he's just pipped to the crown in second place.

You have absolutely NO IDEA how long I've been waiting for this. Pretty much the only reason I set this whole thing up all those years ago was to get a straight-up chance to jugular the fuck out of this bellend. Of course, remember that back then there was no genius idea such as a #ShoutboxFeud to help facilitate this, so this thread will simply have to do.

Hahahahha, do you fucking remember the ShoutboxFeud stuff?! Christ.

Anyway, the guy is an absolute twatguzzle. As far as misogynist homophobes with absolutely no self-awareness go, Posh certainly ranks amongst the worst. Of course, he'll hide behind his brilliant guise of meterosexuality (ooo, I was a trolly-dolly, ooo, look at my hair, I obviously love the gays!) but the mask has well and truly slipped. We have all now seen Posh for what he is. The muggiest of mugs.

Rarely seen in the football forums, Posh is a particular menace of General Chat. Be it in Sheep where he's being an insufferable c***, or be it him presenting another genius idea (first Shoutbox Feuds event is July 3rd, in case you were wondering), he doesn't change his tune. A derisory joke about homosexuality here, a reference to his maid there, the Posh Hammer formula is a successful one.

I never really minded Posh over on TFF (he was on there, I think), he was just one of a number of nuisances. Upon the changeover though, he grabbed his chance. In the forums infancy he initiated an attempt to become relevant. In the feelgood nature of the forums early days, it actually worked, of course. The top posters list was compiled shortly thereafter, and he somehow came joint 10th. He came joint fucking 10th. If Saddlerrad had shut the forum down there and then I think we'd have all understood. How everyone allowed him to be voted among the top 10 best posters on this forum is fucking despicable and I know I am still hanging my head in shame. You should be too.

And it was his content in that thread which properly evolved him into 'top mug' status. "I'd be delighted to even get a single vote," he started, despite knowing full well plenty had already been persuaded to vote for him simply because he voted for them (you know who you are, you new clique ruffians).

But he didn't stop there. The countdown reached the top 50, and Posh continued: "OMG I'D LOVE IT IF I FINISHED IN THE TOP 50."

Time passed, posters fell. To my dismay, I finished joint 18th, with Posh Hammer's name still not having been revealed. They were dark days in the Steady household, with my ratio nowhere near infamy at this stage.

"There's no chance I'm finishing in the top 50," the c*** opined. "Just fuck off," everyone else thought. Some, thankfully, did so out loud.

Eventually of course, Posh was named. "Thank you so much guys I love you all remember I've got an attractive wife and I live in Dubai btw". The sorriest chapter in 1FF's history was closed before the forum had even really began. The pathetic pandering, the faux-surprise, the ridiculous being-a-massive-bellendishness. Posh Hammer in that thread was Posh Hammer at his very, very worst. Ladies and gentlemen. He is your second biggest mug on 1FF.​

Ratio: 0.46. Just like Nigel Farage, Posh is learning that misogyny and homophobia gets you places in the modern world. Good lad.

 

[HarvSFC]

At least you got UTS' good eye in that picture.

 

[IanH]

I think you just missed the part where he does voices for radio adverts over in Dubai.

These are a couple of radio adverts that i've voiced out here too.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s10pNegAW8Od

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1xChk6PwgnT

I can't imagine Rage or Jacky's suddenly got a massive influx of new customers on the back of these!

 

[yellow]

I logged in just to give you a like there Steady, excellent

 

[Red]

Don't know much about him, but if he really is a misogynist and homophobe then he merits his award. Thought pags was alright too.

 

[Oaf]

Yeah, I like Pags too but he was on my list. The comment about him getting a stick up his ass was mine.

As for Posh Hammer, I can't actually say that I've ever had a problem with the guy. In fact, I quite like him.

FIGHT POSH FIGHT.

 

[TomPNE94]

Don't know much about him, but if he really is a misogynist and homophobe then he merits his award. Thought pags was alright too.

He's not, no idea where people have got that idea from.

I like Posh and you can all get to fuck.

 

[Red]

Well I don't know what to believe tbh. In JoeJoeJoeJoe write up steady implied he's racist. I've not seen him post owt racist, in fact if owt he challenges it. Probably a clique joke I'm not privy to

 

[Steady]

I warn you, this post, like UTS, is a fucking whopper...

Spoiler

1st place (96 points, 13 lists)

Seems to be the common trend to put this guy on the list
reason not needed as he is a scourge upon our virtual society
LADLADLADLADLADLAD. Holy fucking shit the guys a [REDACTED]
Firstly, the selfie needs sorting. Secondly - dead jokes aren't funny. The kid tries too hard to fit in.
Thinks he's god's fucking gift to women, supports Bury, and the most naive and gullible c*** I've ever known. [REDACTED]
Always going on about Tinder. I'd definitely swipe him left and right, assuming I was wearing Freddy Kruegers fucking glove.
Claimed Barrack Obama blacks up for votes. Also said he would rather not work at all than get a job in McDonald's, layabout c***.

UTS (10+10+10+9+9+8+8+7+7+7+6+4+1)

We've done it. We started from 1FF's literal bottom, and now we here. The Bury bombshell UTS is 1FF's most hated poster.

As you can see from the above, there is a list as long as UTS' job rejection letters in terms of reasons as to why he has been nominated. Was it joking that his father was dead? Was it questioning the death toll of a disaster? Was it when he quit twice, said he had better things to do both times and then returned within half an hour and within a couple of days each time? It most certainly wasn't due to his stories about the perennially uphill Sheffield, but UTS finds himself the top of this mountain nonetheless.

An absolute nobody to anyone outside of the League Two forum on TFF, UTS is another who, upon the move to 1FF, spotted an opening. 'One huge mug needed. Lazy eye a necessity', it read. UTS was on it like he is to a 14-year-old on Tinder. He made the Shoutbox his home, posting in broken prose, insulting everyone, asking for everyone's Facebook and just being a general dick.

I've often wondered - and often out loud, at that - whether UTS is a parody. This is a man who refuses to work at McDonalds as he thinks it's beneath him, all the while he studies Geography at Sheffield Hallam and fully expects to be working in Dubai some day. Dreams are all well and good, but no. Bear in mind this is a man who struggled to count in a thread recently when he was 'sorry to be pedantic' in trying to pull up a poster on claiming Accrington are about to embark on their 10th season back in league football.

You can always count on UTS to be in the Shoutbox at any hour, as well. He finds time in between #gym #banter with the #squad and seeing all his #gurls to grace us with his presence, all the while still stating he has better things to do. Well, frankly, I've got better things to do than keep posting about this utter stranglewanker.​

Ratio: 0. Fitting.

Spoiler

 

[Red]

Never heard of him. Good work Steady, it's been hilarious reading these write ups, not least because you've introduced several new words into the English language. My favourite came at the end - Stranglewanker

 

[Aber gas]

Never heard of him. Good work Steady, it's been hilarious reading these write ups, not least because you've introduced several new words into the English language. My favourite came at the end - Stranglewanker

" shitcrumple " is my favourite. Use that one everyday at work ( thanks steady )

 

[Rammy]

Excellent work Steaders

 

[RavenBish]

I like PH but I lol'd at this, kudos whoever submitted it; 'The sorta bloke who wears his wifes nightie' -

 

[Oaf]

I'm actually depressed that this is over as it means that we'll get no more of those write ups. Honestly been one of the most entertaining threads I've ever seen, consistently funny.

 

[The Paranoid Pineapple]

Oh ffs, was gonna be like "get yet mugs out, Steady" and then "nice pair!" after the final two were revealed.

On a personal level, as Jay Z once said - "1ff got 118 muggy c*** but the Pineapple ain't one" (this was a 1st draft I believe)

 

[Veggie Legs]

I agree with Oaf, I didnt vote in this and don't particularly care who other people dislike, but I loved the write ups. Top work Steady.

 

[The Paranoid Pineapple]

Also, great write ups. Think TFF might have had better villains on the whole but can't argue with the #1 here

 

[Stevencc]

Confident and good looking and you'll be voted biggest c*** on 1FF.

Steady's write-ups were genius.