Stickied The Mental Health Thread.

[Aber gas]

Social Services threw out the referral by the GP due to his incompetence of completing the referral form, and due to the fact they can see referrals have been made to them for the boy to receive support around his behavioural/mental health issues they see no need to follow up with anything and even offered to help us find the support we need. They also told us they would be putting in a complaint against the GP for his referral as none of it made sense and said they back us up on a complaint we'll make against the standard of his consultation, win all round I say.

Brilliant news.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

I've just found out a girl I went to school with, a friend. Admittedly someone I haven't seen in a good few years is dying. She's only 20. I had a crush on her back in the day. I can't believe it, I remember talking to her in school. She knew she would die young but thought she would reach her thirties. Her kidneys are packing in, 6 1/2 years after having a heart and lung transplant.

Tonight is a very sad night.

 

[EricSabin]

I've just found out a girl I went to school with, a friend. Admittedly someone I haven't seen in a good few years is dying. She's only 20. I had a crush on her back in the day. I can't believe it, I remember talking to her in school. She knew she would die young but thought she would reach her thirties. Her kidneys are packing in, 6 1/2 years after having a heart and lung transplant.

Tonight is a very sad night.

Sorry to hear that mate

 

[BetterCallSaul]

I just can't believe it's happening so soon, it never really seemed real when we were kids. She's incredibly brave, can't think what she's going through.

It's not fair, she's such a lovely girl, really nice and kind.

 

[StagsForLife]

Sorry to hear that BCS. Very sad news, only thing you can do is to be there to support her really.

 

[EricSabin]

I just can't believe it's happening so soon, it never really seemed real when we were kids. She's incredibly brave, can't think what she's going through.

It's not fair, she's such a lovely girl, really nice and kind.

Are you going to attempt to contact her? A card or something like that just to let her know you're thinking of her. Hard to know what to say in that situation though

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Sorry to hear that BCS. Very sad news, only thing you can do is to be there to support her really.

What can you say? I'm a little bit in shock to be honest. She did seem to be getting worse and was going in hospital a lot. Just feels raw.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Are you going to attempt to contact her? A card or something like that just to let her know you're thinking of her. Hard to know what to say in that situation though

I don't know. I'm in two minds, I don't want her to feel like I'm jumping on it like everyone else telling her how lived she is etc, how brace she is. I feel like that would get upsetting/annoying to a point.

I don't know how to put into words how I feel really. I will be thinking of her and know how loved she is. But I don't know.

 

[EricSabin]

I don't know. I'm in two minds, I don't want her to feel like I'm jumping on it like everyone else telling her how lived she is etc, how brace she is. I feel like that would get upsetting/annoying to a point.

I don't know how to put into words how I feel really. I will be thinking of her and know how loved she is. But I don't know.

I'd let her know mate, just a simple card with a simple message just to say you're thinking of her. I think it would be appreciated.

 

[StagsForLife]

As Eric says it's a hard one on what to say, you could possibly send her a gift or something like flowers or chocolates etc.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

I don't know. Maybe it'll be a good idea. I'll not do anything tonight I need to think straight first.

 

[EricSabin]

Got a situation myself as well. My gran was ill a few weeks back, on end of life care, then miraculously recovered. She's been moved to another place to do rehab but she's refusing food, water and medication. She's going through the same cycle of unresponsiveness as last time and the doctors can't really do anything for her if she won't eat. If she doesn't start soon, she won't be around much longer.

I'm going in tomorrow to help her with her lunch but I don't know what to say to her to get her to eat. We obviously don't want to see her lying there dying so if anyone has any suggestions, fire away.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Same thing happened with my nan, she had a stroke and then refused to take her pills, eat or drink. She had to take her pills with food, she would hide the pill the side of her teeth and then spit it out. She hid loads behind the chair. She had another stroke and died.

It's incredibly difficult, but maybe you going round could be a boost to her. Shows that you care, and that she's loved.

 

[EricSabin]

Same thing happened with my nan, she had a stroke and then refused to take her pills, eat or drink. She had to take her pills with food, she would hide the pill the side of her teeth and then spit it out. She hid loads behind the chair. She had another stroke and died.

It's incredibly difficult, but maybe you going round could be a boost to her. Shows that you care, and that she's loved.

Old people can be so stubborn. Originally my nan went in with a seizure caused by encephalitis, but she's not taking her medication that stop her having more seizures so there's a real danger she'll have another.

I've seen her 90% of the days she's been in hospital, and every day since they moved her 20 miles out of town. I'm just running out of ideas on how to get her to eat. She tells us what we want to hear, that she'll eat her dinner etc but the next day when we get in she hasn't. It's a toughie.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

I know how you feel mate, even though I went through the same thing I really don't know. All I can think of is actually having someone make sure she takes them and watches so you know she has them.

 

[EricSabin]

Who knows what tomorrow shall bring, the beauty of life.

 

[Baz]

For the older person, there comes a point where they don't want to fight anymore. I know it's sad and horrid but it does happen. Best thing you can probably do is just accept her wishes, then try to play on that fact to get her to eat a little something. Play the game a little bit, tell her you get it's hard to keep fighting, tell her you accept her wishes but ask her to have just one decent meal for you haha. I know that's naughty but it could work.

 

[EricSabin]

For the older person, there comes a point where they don't want to fight anymore. I know it's sad and horrid but it does happen. Best thing you can probably do is just accept her wishes, then try to play on that fact to get her to eat a little something. Play the game a little bit, tell her you get it's hard to keep fighting, tell her you accept her wishes but ask her to have just one decent meal for you haha. I know that's naughty but it could work.

Yeah we think she's ready, but then some days she says that she can't wait to get home to sit in her garden etc. So it's confusing! I'll try that today cheers Baz

 

[Skinner]

I'm a bit stuck on what is happening at the moment. I have my son Sat-Sun at my nan's house every weekend as his mum is adamant that my current partner will never meet him, and I respected and understood that at first because of what had gone on. It's been seven months now though and with it being summer there's a lot of birthdays/garden parties coming up on my girlfriends families side, but I obviously can't do weekends. Up until now the odd occasion wasn't too bad as I'd book the Monday off work and have my son Sun-Mon but I can't keep doing that because I'll lose my job, and also his mum goes out with her new partner on weekends, so she can't just ditch her plans.

My current girlfriend is also getting annoyed as I live with her but go 'home' at weekends, which is a bit of a strange situation for her family to grasp (they don't know the situation of the past) so she's getting annoyed with all the questions being fired at her too. She really don't like me going back and leaving her every week, which again, I understand completely. We can't even do things together as we work all week, we've only been out three times in seven months and that's caused a few problems too.

My family are like best friends with my ex and are firmly on her side, my nan even looks at my postal bank statements and let's my ex know what I'm earning and spending. So I can't even talk to them to try and get 'em to sort it out for me, especially as they hate my current partner despite not ever interacting with her in any way, apart from a few hateful messages in which she didn't even reply.

The real issue though, is that my girlfriend has suggested trying for a baby this time next year, through genuine reasons. What if I can't win my family over or talk my ex into letting my son stay over at my house that I live with my current partner? I can't leave at the weekends to have my son with another child at home. I want more kids, and I can't just not have any more because my ex is playing god with my sons life. I just don't know where to go from here and over the last six months it's just been chipping away at me where I'm almost at the point of just moving away on my own and leaving everybody behind. Which obviously isn't the right choice but it's the only way I think I can get away from living under everybody's say so.

 

[Baz]

Your arrangement with your ex, is it a mutual thing or court ordered?

I can understand not allowing your son around a new partner for a while until you're sure things are stable and steady etc, but after 7 months, it's surely time to integrate your son and your girlfriend into eachothers lives, even if it's just in small doses.

Interestingly, does your ex have a new partner? If so you can easily play the same game, but sometimes that's too much hassle.

What I would look at doing is saying your son goes where you are. You're in a new house, if it's a long term place, your son needs to get used to that house too as eventually he's going to stay there. I know it hard but you'll have to start playing hardball. Use advice from places such as CAB etc as they'll be able to offer advice and signpost to services that can help mediate in such situations.

 

[Skinner]

It's mutually agreed, everything is with us (when I see him, weekly money I give etc).

It's not a case of just saying I'm taking him there, it would cause a lot of problems as they all know where we live and threats have been made. It wouldn't bother me if it was just his mum, but it's my mum too, and she's a spiteful horrible c*** that I had the displeasure of being lumbered in life with.

 

[Baz]

It's mutually agreed, everything is with us (when I see him, weekly money I give etc).

It's not a case of just saying I'm taking him there, it would cause a lot of problems as they all know where we live and threats have been made. It wouldn't bother me if it was just his mum, but it's my mum too, and she's a spiteful horrible c*** that I had the displeasure of being lumbered in life with.

Unfortunately the only route may well be making it all official then. It needs to be the same for both parties not just all one sided. I would try to speak to CAB to find out what you can then go from there.

 

[blade1889]

Who knows what tomorrow shall bring, the beauty of life.

How did it go?

When we had similar with my granny it was more a case of talking with her to distract her but with the food/water ready in front of her on a spoon. She'd eventually kind of forget that she was meant to be refusing to eat and take it slowly.

 

[EricSabin]

How did it go?

When we had similar with my granny it was more a case of talking with her to distract her but with the food/water ready in front of her on a spoon. She'd eventually kind of forget that she was meant to be refusing to eat and take it slowly.

We've been going in at mealtimes the last few days and she's been eating well so it's going better!

 

[BetterCallSaul]

I'm a bit stuck on what is happening at the moment. I have my son Sat-Sun at my nan's house every weekend as his mum is adamant that my current partner will never meet him, and I respected and understood that at first because of what had gone on. It's been seven months now though and with it being summer there's a lot of birthdays/garden parties coming up on my girlfriends families side, but I obviously can't do weekends. Up until now the odd occasion wasn't too bad as I'd book the Monday off work and have my son Sun-Mon but I can't keep doing that because I'll lose my job, and also his mum goes out with her new partner on weekends, so she can't just ditch her plans.

My current girlfriend is also getting annoyed as I live with her but go 'home' at weekends, which is a bit of a strange situation for her family to grasp (they don't know the situation of the past) so she's getting annoyed with all the questions being fired at her too. She really don't like me going back and leaving her every week, which again, I understand completely. We can't even do things together as we work all week, we've only been out three times in seven months and that's caused a few problems too.

My family are like best friends with my ex and are firmly on her side, my nan even looks at my postal bank statements and let's my ex know what I'm earning and spending. So I can't even talk to them to try and get 'em to sort it out for me, especially as they hate my current partner despite not ever interacting with her in any way, apart from a few hateful messages in which she didn't even reply.

The real issue though, is that my girlfriend has suggested trying for a baby this time next year, through genuine reasons. What if I can't win my family over or talk my ex into letting my son stay over at my house that I live with my current partner? I can't leave at the weekends to have my son with another child at home. I want more kids, and I can't just not have any more because my ex is playing god with my sons life. I just don't know where to go from here and over the last six months it's just been chipping away at me where I'm almost at the point of just moving away on my own and leaving everybody behind. Which obviously isn't the right choice but it's the only way I think I can get away from living under everybody's say so.

Don't let your nan see your bank statements anymore either, that's not on. Take control of that.

 

[Skinner]

Well the current one became the ex last night, and it seems for real this time. Was always going to happen with everything going on, and I suppose I'd rather it now than months down the line.

Back home to my family I go, fml.

 

[silkyman]

Was there something specific about the new ex that the old ex didn't like or is she likely to try and ban your lad from ever meeting anyone you try and make a life with? Because that's just not practical if nothing else!

Surely she doesn't have the right to have that control over your life? My Brother in Law didn't see his daughter for more than two years after he split up with her mum, purely because she invented a story about him threatening to harm her. This also meant that she didn't see her grandparents for more than two years. They both passed away when she was six so this unfair allegation backed up by the tremendously sexist and unfair way these things work in this country robbed everyone of a third of the time they would ever get to spend together.

Get back with your recent ex and go and see a lawyer.

 

[Skinner]

I met the recent ex while I was still with the old one, which is why I understood it at first.

 

[sl1k]

Yeah, there was always going to be resentment in that scenario and I know too well (from the experience of close friends) that it is all too easy for women to use kids as weapons. And more often than not, they're more than eager to use them as such, to the extent that someone would stick around in an unhappy marriage so as to not lose the privilege of spending time with their children.

Without knowing too many details surrounding the circumstances of your split with current ex, I'd say keep communicating and dont' abandon the relationship. As difficult as it may be for her, and I'd imagine things can be pretty grim for someone who's partner's family just don't want to know, she should a degree of empathy of the situation given how you two met. It basically broke a home - which is how the previous ex would see it anyway. Your family, while being good to the previous ex, also have to respect that you have a life to live because atm they're disregarding your happiness completely which isnt fair. Not to mention it seems they're also shoving all the emotional baggage onto you too.

I know it's a lot to deal with, but you're the one in the driving seat in this situation and as messy as it may seem you're gonna have to sift through the haystack to find the needle I.e. solution and the only way that'll happen is honest communication. It's obviously not gonna be easy when it seems so many people are against you, but if you dont do it for your kid and the relationship with current ex no one will.

 

[mente captus]

I left my wife on the 21th of june.

It was a hard decision and it took me years to finally end our marriage.

She has changed completly after our daughter was born 4 years ago, from happy and joyful to completly broken.

I tried so much to help her but we had some occasional moments of levity at best and she rarely wanted my help.

I know that she loves me and that i was the love of her life as she was it for me

I will miss her for the rest of my life, thats for sure but i think i wasnt strong enough.

Bye sweetheart