1FF Wars

[Munkiki]

SBF call up their buddies at OCP with a name for the RoboCop program.

They have no trouble locating Elsa's corpse and go about replacing most of her body with cybernetics, resurrecting her as RoboCop.

 

[last request]

 

[Leewilson]

So you've stolen Liquid Snow White from us and taken Elsa and morphed her into Robocop.

Some mechanical fetish you're not telling everybody SBF?

 

[Spirederman]

Great choice tbh SBF. I take it Doc M's wages were the sticking point?

 

[Spirederman]

GNC really not on the ball today with territory grabs.

Gonna have to start booking half days at work to make sure I'm around for the fightcards.

Anyone wanna buy Haddock, Harvs or Mags?

 

[last request]

Great choice tbh SBF. I take it Doc M's wages were the sticking point?

Yeah, although whoever we brought back only came with their BR and wages so wouldn't have got his dice anyway.

 

[Veggie Legs]

It has been noted that there's some pretty rank misogyny going on in this game. Grim New Chavs are the worst offenders, but Stagnificent, Team 6 and Super Best Friends aren't much better. These ladies are distinctly unimpressed, and want to know if there is going to be any kind of penalty for such blatant male bias.

 

[PaulHaddock]

That's what you get for trying to overrule the patriarchy.

 

[Munkiki]

Sacred Heart Hospital
Lightweight
Each character on the winning team has a 60% chance of healing 1HP
Kevin McCallister w/Portal Gun – 12BR 3HP 1D10 (3DD) vs 1 vs 1

Aperture Science Laboratories Enrichment Center
Lightweight
Winner gets GLaDOS – 0BR 1HP 1D4 – £600,000/£50,000 – For Science
Baloo – 7BR 1HP 1D6 (SBF) vs The Undertaker – 8BR 3HP 1D6 (STAG)

Winterfell
Lightweight
Death Match
Magic Broom – 5BR 1HP 1D6 (T6) vs Barry Scott – 1BR 3HP 1D6 (GNC)

Azkaban Prison
Middleweight
Winner can send someone to Azkaban. They will eventually escape but after encountering Dementors they may not be the same...
Lord Voldemort – 16BR 3HP 1D6 vs Simba – 12BR 2HP 1D6 (SBF) vs 1
*if this goes uncontested or Voldemort wins, a team and character will be picked from random

Rapture – Oblivion
Middleweight
Dual Location
Jafar – 13BR 2HP 1D6 (GNC) vs Super Meat Boy – 4BR 9,989HP 1D4 (STAG)

Goldenrod City
Middleweight
Death Match
Drax w/the Golden Axe – 18BR 2HP 1D6 (3DD) vs John Cena – 11BR 3HP 1D8 (T6)

Ammu-Nation
Heavyweight
Winner gains access to exclusive items
Uroboros Trevor Philips – 20BR 2HP 1D8 vs Independence Day UFO w/Valyrian Steel – 20BR 3HP 1D6 (GNC) vs 1

Xavier's School
Heavyweight
Scott Pilgrim – 20BR 2HP 1D6 (3DD) vs Captain America – 20BR 2HP 1D12 (STAG) vs Albert Wesker – 17BR 1HP 1D6 (SBF)

El Dorado
Bonus
Winner gains £1,000,000 and bribes officials to take another team's offers
RoboCop Elsa – 20BR 3HP 1D6 (SBF) vs Shade of Link – 19BR naHP 1D12+1D6 (STAG) vs Donatello – 20BR 2HP 1D10 (T6) vs Wolverine – 19BR 2HP 1D12+1D6 (GNC)

 

[last request]

Battle of the cleaners.

Barry will wipe the floor with that broom.

 

[Munkiki]

Sacred Heart Hospital
Lightweight
Each character on the winning team has a 60% chance of healing 1HP
Kevin McCallister w/Portal Gun (3DD) uncontested

Aperture Science Laboratories Enrichment Center
Lightweight
Winner gets GLaDOS – 0BR 1HP 1D4 – £600,000/£50,000 – For Science
Baloo (SBF) vs The Undertaker (STAG)

Baloo is a bear but his clumsy and laid back nature doesn't exactly make him scary. The Undertaker withstands everything Baloo throws at him and wins the match after performing his signature Tombstone Piledriver.

Baloo is killed. The Undertaker gains 2BR for winning a fight.

Winterfell
Lightweight
Death Match
Magic Broom (T6) vs Barry Scott (GNC)

This broom is ruthless. It's not water in his buckets, it's fucking acid. Barry Scott isn't a fighter and while pitching Cillit Bang to the broom gets a faceful of acid for his troubles. He is killed.

Azkaban Prison
Middleweight
Winner can send someone to Azkaban. They will eventually escape but after encountering Dementors they may not be the same...
Lord Voldemort vs Simba (SBF)

Simba leaps straight at Voldemort, taking him by surprise. As the lion goes in to maim him, he manages to shake him off and makes a grab for his wand. Using a transfiguration spell, he turns Simba into a tabby. As cruel as he is evil, he kicks the helpless cat through the air to claim the win.

Rapture – Oblivion
Middleweight
Dual Location
Jafar (GNC) vs Super Meat Boy (STAG)

In what seems to be a day for villains, Jafar isn't even made to break a sweat in this fight. The meat cube is unconscious before he knew what had hit him.

Goldenrod City
Middleweight
Death Match
Drax w/the Golden Axe (3DD) vs John Cena (T6)

Boosted by the Golden Axe, Drax is just too powerful for Cena. He comes out of the blocks so fast that there's no way back for the wrestler. Even a maximum from his dice roll wouldn't have been enough. With one swing of the axe, Drax lops off Cena's head. He is killed.

Ammu-Nation
Heavyweight
Winner gains access to exclusive items
Uroboros Trevor Philips vs Independence Day UFO w/Valyrian Steel (GNC)

Trevor doesn't do too well here. Not sure how you go about fighting a giant UFO nor how the UFO wields Valyrian Steel in the first place but whatever... this is Wars... and a comfortable win for GNC against their former team member.

Xavier's School
Heavyweight
Scott Pilgrim (3DD) vs Captain America (STAG) vs Albert Wesker (SBF)

In a closely contested battle for Xavier's School Pilgrim lets Wesker and Cap tire each other out before jumping in. Surprisingly the first to fall is Cap, arguably the favourite going in. Unsurprisingly, Wesker isn't far behind him. Scott wins.

El Dorado
Bonus
Winner gains £1,000,000 and bribes officials to take another team's offers
RoboCop Elsa (SBF) vs Shade of Link (STAG) vs Donatello (T6) vs Wolverine (GNC)

Not fully attuned to her new cyborg self, Elsa struggles massively. The other three are just too quick for her. It's not long before Wolverine joins her, not coping well with fighting on two fronts. Donatello and Link match each other blow for blow. With the massive riches on offer, neither want to let down their team. It's very, very close but Link's extra dice eventually proves the difference, Donatello not quite able to last the distance.

 

[Leewilson]

We managed to get out of that one unscathed. Stags have thrown themselves right back in the mix. GNC looking very strong also with some good wins, especially the exclusives items one.

SBF in massive trouble now.

 

[Spirederman]

Generally happy with this week.

The Exclusive items could be great.

Stags absolutely right back in this, 1m and GLADOS!!!

Lets hope she's even less successful than last time.

 

[Munkiki]

GNC:
Barry Scott is killed
Gain £75,000
Gain Oblivion
Jafar gains 1BR
Gain £120,000
Gain exclusive access to Ammu-Nation
Independence Day UFO gains 1BR
Wolverine loses 1HP

3DD:
Gain £45,000
Gain access to Sacred Heart Hospital
Gain £75,000
Drax gains 1BR
Andrew Ryan gains win
Gain £120,000
Andrew Ryan gains win
Gain ADAM Vial

STAG:
Gain £30,000
Gain GLaDOS
The Undertaker gains 2BR
Lose Oblivion
Super Meat Boy loses 1HP
Captain America loses 1HP
Gain £1,000,000
Gain offers bribe
Shade of Link gains 1BR

Roster overcapacity: 7/6

SBF:
Baloo is killed
Simba loses 1HP
Albert Wesker is killed
RoboCop Elsa loses 1HP

T6:
Gain £30,000
Magic Broom gains 1BR
John Cena is killed
Donatello loses 1HP

OAF:
Uroboros Trevor Philips loses 1HP

 

[Munkiki]

3DD's injured get treatment at Sacred Heart Hospital:

Scott Pilgrim heals 1HP
Carl "CJ" Johnson heals 1HP
The Bride heals 1HP
Drax doesn't heal
The Cylons heal 1HP
Tommy Vercetti doesn't heal

STAG welcome a new member:

GLaDOS – 0BR 1HP 1D4 – £600,000/£50,000 – For Science

Lord Voldemort sends Lex Luthor to Azkaban.

GNC have been sent the Ammu-Nation item list.

STAG's need to make a decision on which team's offers they're stealing.

As a doctor, John Dorian can heal people. He restores Captain America to 3HP. For some reason this kills him.

Wages/earnings paid.

Wolverine attempts regeneration. He is successful and gains 1HP.

 

[Oaf]

Fuck it, I'm gonna ask in here.

Munkiki has been looking through his logs at TFF Wars and has come across notes regarding a game week where we did something to do with "fire, ice, water, thunder and earth".

In fact, the actual note as it was is:

Hulk (REEM)/Voldemort (SBF)/Gandalf (CHAVS)/Freeman (STAG) all got £500k from Fire
Zidane Tribal (REEM)/Frodo & Sam (SBF) lost 1HP from Ice
Cloud Strife (STAG) lost 1HP from Thunder
Spider-Man (REEM) didn't lose HP from Water (Spider Reflexes, I assume)
Neo (SBF)/Donkey Kong (STAG) lost 1HP from Water
Iron Man (REEM)/Superman (SBF) lost 1HP from Earth

Now, does anybody remember what the fuck this is actually about? Because I have a very vague memory of seeing/doing something like that but we have no idea what the details of it were.

 

[Oaf]

In other news

It is once again time for some CHAOS.

He sneaks into the 3DD HQ, as he is so apt to doing, and gets into each of the 3DD characters personal lockers. There, he finds each of their own personal headphones... and tangles all of the wires right up. The next morning, the frustrated 3DD characters have to spend an extra 5 minutes or so before they're ready to get to work to try to resolve the problem, and in some parts they've been tied really tight so there are fiddly little bits that you can't quite grip and take ages to untangle.

The inconvenience of it all bums them out, but there are no other effects.

 

[Munkiki]

... 8 ...​

Stag have until 9am tomorrow to decide whose offers they're stealing. A team will be picked at random otherwise.

 

[last request]

This is all Rammy's fault.

 

[Munkiki]

Offers sent. Deadline: Saturday 5pm.

 

[Spirederman]

ALL ABOUT AMMU-NATION LADS!!

 

[Munkiki]

GNC buy:

Poison – £100,000 (has a 50% chance of doing 1HP damage to a character of your choosing)
Dice Upgrade – £50,000 (upgrades the dice of a character of your choosing)
Standard Armor – £60,000
Heavy Armor - £150,000
Combat MG – £150,000
RPG – £300,000

They use the poison on GLaDOS...

Spoiler

...and it kills her!

Jeez... her ratio last time was pretty bad but I think not even getting to experiment on a single character this time trumps that.

They also upgrade Wolverine's dice.

 

[Leewilson]

Not like GNC to spend that much money.

 

[SUTSS]

Typical.

 

[Spirederman]

Bye Glados.

Wasn't taking the risk with her.

 

[Munkiki]

STAG buy
Dice Upgrade – £50,000 (upgrades the dice of a character of your choosing)
Med-Pack – £30,000 (heals 1HP)

and sign

Ultron – 16BR 3HP 1D6 – £700,000/£50,000 – There Are No Strings on Me

 

[Munkiki]

Ultron cannot be contained and can spread to other artificial intelligence, taking them over.

En route to its target, the Independence Day UFO senses outside interference. It tries to defend itself but is powerless to prevent the intrusion into its mainframe. As Ultron gets deeper, protocols and controls are rewritten. Before losing all command, the UFO manages to run an emergency system override, disarming its most destructive weapon and dropping it harmlessly to the bottom of the ocean. The countdown clock stops and the UFO shuts down.

When it powers back up, Ultron has full control of the ship.

 

[The Hand of Dom]

Well, that annihilation went well.

 

[HarvSFC]

Ah well. All it did was destroy a territory with Vice City being the target.

 

[The Hand of Dom]

Yeah, we had sussed as much.