Things We Hate

[Pagnell]

My Parrot mimicking the bin lorry. Gonna ring his fucking neck if he carries on.

Video please.

 

[mowgli]

My Parrot mimicking the bin lorry. Gonna ring his fucking neck if he carries on.

That's hilarious!

 

[SALTIRE]

Kirsty Gallacher's constant flex posing and showing of her wonky biceps just because she does a bit of working out.

 

[Stevencc]

Kirsty Gallacher's constant flex posing and showing of her wonky biceps just because she does a bit of working out.

But would you make violent love to her?

 

[SALTIRE]

But would you make violent love to her?

Actually no not now, too manly. She used to be a cracker though. Natalie Sawyer or Haley McQueen (even though she always looks down before speaking to double check she isn't bursting at the seams! ) are the tops.

 

[Pagnell]

Anime. In particular, that wide-eyed, pointy chin look they give 99% of the characters. It might explain why I find Japanese RPGs immensely annoying.

 

[epic73]

Anime. In particular, that wide-eyed, pointy chin look they give 99% of the characters. It might explain why I find Japanese RPGs immensely annoying.

I just find anime weird, too many people with rainbows coming out of their noses.

 

[Pagnell]

I just find anime weird, too many people with rainbows coming out of their noses.

That image sums it up for me. The ridiculously large buggy eyes with OTT light reflection to inject cuteness, very little in the way of a nose, a puckered mouth like an arsehole about to have a shit and a chin you could stab someone with.

I have no logical reason to dislike the style, but I do.

 

[PaulHaddock]

So on the local stopping service between Nottingham and Leicester today at around 6pm, I'm sitting minding my own business on the train and all of a sudden, 50 Leicester fans pile in on a train with TWO carriages. By this point, every seat is full and the aisles are clogged up with people. At the next stop, around 20 commuters get off but another 30 Leicester fans fall in, further polluting the train.

Finally, at my stop, around 25 of us get off. However, as we get off, we see about another 50 fans race through the doors. I stand back and watch as people start to realise that they won't be getting on that train.

It was fucking dangerous what happened as there was barely space to move around anywhere. Not sure whether it was poor planning from EM trains, Leicester 'fans' or both but just a terrible experience all round.

 

[Abertawe]

How is that in any way the fault of Leicester fans?

Strange choice of language too.
"Leicester fans pile in, TWO carriages"
"Leicester fans fall in, further polluting the train."

 

[Stevencc]

Actually no not now, too manly. She used to be a cracker though. Natalie Sawyer or Haley McQueen (even though she always looks down before speaking to double check she isn't bursting at the seams! ) are the tops.

Scenario:

Kirsty Gallacher knocks on your front door in Dundee. You answer the door in a vest and boxer shorts.

'Hello'.

'Sorry to bother you, but my car has broken down right outside your house - would I be able to use your phone?'

'Don't you have a mobile phone?'

'I do, but we are in the backwaters of Dundee here - I've got no signal'.

'Ok, but make it quick - I've got a Barcelona match to watch'.

Kirsty enters the Saltire household but inadvertantly trips over the doorstep. Somehow her breasts slip out of her top.

'Oh!'

Kirsty bites her lip in a sultry manner.

'VRMMM, VRMMMM - SCREEEECCCH'.

Someone drives Kirsty's car away from outside Salty's house.

'I thought your car was fucked?'

'I lied - now make violent love to me you hunk of a man'.

End of scenario.

How do you react?

 

[JimJams]

He can't react, you ended the scenario!

 

[Stevencc]

It's a new scenario now where he is in full control.

Part two, if you like.

 

[SALTIRE]

Scenario:

Kirsty Gallacher knocks on your front door in Dundee. You answer the door in a vest and boxer shorts.

'Hello'.

'Sorry to bother you, but my car has broken down right outside your house - would I be able to use your phone?'

'Don't you have a mobile phone?'

'I do, but we are in the backwaters of Dundee here - I've got no signal'.

'Ok, but make it quick - I've got a Barcelona match to watch'.

Kirsty enters the Saltire household but inadvertantly trips over the doorstep. Somehow her breasts slip out of her top.

'Oh!'

Kirsty bites her lip in a sultry manner.

'VRMMM, VRMMMM - SCREEEECCCH'.

Someone drives Kirsty's car away from outside Salty's house.

'I thought your car was fucked?'

'I lied - now make violent love to me you hunk of a man'.

End of scenario.

How do you react?

Haha I'm a sucker for a one boob slipping out so I let her pick me up in her burly arms and off we go to pound some vag!

 

[PaulHaddock]

How is that in any way the fault of Leicester fans?

Strange choice of language too.
"Leicester fans pile in, TWO carriages"
"Leicester fans fall in, further polluting the train."

Fine, they couldn't do anything before getting on the train, EM trains fault. Whilst on the train however, littering, screaming, being ignorant and a general lack of care is their fault tbh

 

[appletablepenny]

"Pound some vag" - disgraceful

 

[Magic]

Definitely be posted in here already, but lads.

Mate's stag do on Saturday, I'm best man, his uni mates who I barely know asking what I'm doing to "fuck him over". I know it's tradition but proper can't be arsed with that shit tbh.

 

[Pagnell]

Agreed, it's a bullshit tradition best ignored. I've been best man twice and didn't do it on either occasion, and my best man didn't do it to me. Is that boring? Perhaps, but not ending up gaffer taped to a lamp post bollock naked didn't stop all three being fantastic weekends.

 

[blade1889]

Definitely be posted in here already, but lads.

Mate's stag do on Saturday, I'm best man, his uni mates who I barely know asking what I'm doing to "fuck him over". I know it's tradition but proper can't be arsed with that shit tbh.

Probably one of the reasons why you're his best manand not them

 

[Magic]

Probably one of the reasons why you're his best manand not them

Probably. He's enough of a moron to fuck himself over after a few pints anyway so doubt he'll need any help.

 

[mnb089mnb]

Probably. He's enough of a moron to fuck himself over after a few pints anyway so doubt he'll need any help.

There's a line for your best man's speech.
"Mates asked me to stitch him up on stag do, I said he'd manage to do it himself after a couple of pints"

Lads banter.

 

[Magic]

There's a line for your best man's speech.
"Mates asked me to stitch him up on stag do, I said he'd manage to do it himself after a couple of pints"

Lads banter.

He's not having speeches!

He's quite a stubborn, "do things my own way" type and didn't want to have to worry about talking in front of people so just decided not to have any. So I only really have to raise a toast I think.

 

[Pagnell]

As a best man, the groom saying he didn't want speeches should go down a treat. I'd certainly be happy about that.

 

[Magic]

Yeah means I can just enjoy the day without any nerves. I'm not that bad at public speaking but yeah, I'm not complaining.

 

[Martino Knockavelli]

Was going to write a long, over-elaborate parody of Pagnell doing a Best Man's speech, but didn't want to be accused of sublimating my own self-esteem issues. 1FF's loss, IMO.

 

[mowgli]

I was made to wear pyjamas on my stag night on a pub crawl around Glastonbury,bastards! Plus they filled me up with vodka and coke and when i got home i puked all over the landing and told my future wife "The cat's been sick up here" She didn't believe me but said "Well played"

 

[Cheese & Biscuits]

Trying to keep any kind of dignity when eating BBQ spare ribs in a restaurant.

 

[SALTIRE]

Burning your mouth when you eat something that bit too hot.

 

[mnb089mnb]

Was going to write a long, over-elaborate parody of Pagnell doing a Best Man's speech, but didn't want to be accused of sublimating my own self-esteem issues. 1FF's loss, IMO.

I've imagined what this post would be like and I enjoyed it very much. Thank you.

 

[Martino Knockavelli]

The best art always makes play with its audience's imagination. You're welcome.