1FF Wars

[Oaf]

Yeah, I've got a heck of a lot of work coming up soon so won't be around all that much for the rest of this week/the weekend... will try to update it as I can though.

And while yeah, I am here right now, there's a difference between being here (as in, having the necessary hour or so to update this) and being here (as in, I'm here for about 10 minutes then I'm off again)... and unfortunately, right now falls under the latter.

 

[Oaf]

Time for WAR!

The characters taking part will be:

GNC:
Gandalf [Fellowship of the Ring] – 18BR 2HP 1D6
Jafar [Disney] – 15BR 1HP 1D6
Werewolf Wolverine [X-Men] – 20BR 2HP+2 {Heavy Armor} 1D12+1D8 (equipped with heavy armour)

3DD:
The Bride – 19BR 2HP 1D6
Charmander [Pokémon] – 20BR 2HP 2D6 (equipped with the Golden Axe. Also, Ash Ketchum adds his 5 BR and 1D6 to Charmanders... and Ash is also equipped with the Portal Gun, boosting another 2BR, to take Charmander to 20!)
The Cylons – 20BR 2HP 1D8

STAG:
Professor Xavier [X-Men] – 19BR 2HP 1D6 (equipped with Valyrian Steel)
Independence Day UFO – 20BR 3HP 1D6 (Equipped with Combat MG... what does a city sized spaceship capable of making entire cities into dust exactly gain from having one more little MG attached to it? Fuck knows. But it takes it to 20BR anyway)
Captain America [Avengers] – 20BR 3HP 1D12+1D10

SBF:
Leader: Zapp Brannigan – 4BR 2HP 1D6
Magic Broom (8) [Disney] – 1BR 1HP 1D6
Magic Broom (9) [Disney] – 1BR 1HP 1D6

T6:
Donatello [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles] – 20BR 1HP 1D10
Dutch – 16BR 1HP 1D6
Donkey Kong – 12BR 3HP 1D6

OAF:
Zombie Magic Broom (7) [Disney] – 1BR 1HP 1D6

And a reminder of those prizes:

Winning team: No HP damage taken for any characters +£1,000,000, gain all territories of losing team

2nd place: No HP damage taken +£300,000 gain the lost territories of the 5th placed team

3rd place: +£50,000

4th: Nothing

5th: One random character takes 2HP of damage, lose (up to) THREE territories.

6th: Lose ALL territories, pay £200,000, one character at random killed off.

 

[Oaf]

So, round 1...

Gandalf [Fellowship of the Ring] – 18BR 2HP 1D6 (GNC1)
The Bride – 19BR 2HP 1D6 (3DD1)
Professor Xavier [X-Men] – 19BR 2HP 1D6 (equipped with Valyrian Steel) (STAG1)
Zapp Brannigan – 4BR 2HP 1D6 (SBF1)
Donatello [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles] – 20BR 1HP 1D10 (T61)
Zombie Magic Broom (7) [Disney] – 1BR 1HP 1D6 (OAF1)

The first character eliminated is... Zombie Magic Broom! Team Oaf is out instantly, finishing in 6th place. Team Oaf loses all of its territories (So, none... which also means whoever wins this thing gains no territories from their victory!), must pay £200,000 (Team Oaf does not operate with money) and one character at random is killed off (after the broom is killed in the battle, Team Oaf has no characters left, so none are killed off).

Round 2
Gandalf [Fellowship of the Ring] – 18BR 2HP 1D6 (GNC1)
The Bride – 19BR 2HP 1D6 (3DD1)
Professor Xavier [X-Men] – 19BR 2HP 1D6 (equipped with Valyrian Steel) (STAG1)
Zapp Brannigan – 4BR 2HP 1D6 (SBF1)
Donatello [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles] – 20BR 1HP 1D10 (T61)

You wouldn't believe this, but we actually had joint lowest scorers here... so two are eliminated! They are... as you'd suspect, Zapp Brannigan... and as you may not expect, the woefully underpeforming Gandalf! He just cannot recapture his form from TFF Wars at all. GNC and SBF both lose a man.

 

[Oaf]

Round 3
Jafar [Disney] – 15BR 1HP 1D6 (GNC2)
The Bride – 19BR 2HP 1D6 (3DD1)
Professor Xavier [X-Men] – 19BR 2HP 1D6 (equipped with Valyrian Steel) (STAG1)
Magic Broom (8) [Disney] – 1BR 1HP 1D6 (SBF2)
Donatello [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles] – 20BR 1HP 1D10 (T61)

Holy shit

Donatello scored FOUR here. 2 for his 20BR and 2 for his D10!

However, he still did not lose...

The Magic Broom scored 3, getting 1 for his BR (obviously) and only 2 on his dice. Donatello is a lucky turtle.

However... the Magic Broom is also lucky... because some unlucky son of a bitch managed to score a 1 and a 1. I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've seen that happen, certainly for a character with good BR. And that character is...

Jafar! Disaster for GNC as they're now down to their last man and with the luck they've had, stand a very real chance of finishing second bottom...

Round 4:
Werewolf Wolverine [X-Men] – 20BR 2HP+2 {Heavy Armor} 1D12+1D8 (GNC3)
The Bride – 19BR 2HP 1D6 (3DD1)
Professor Xavier [X-Men] – 19BR 2HP 1D6 (equipped with Valyrian Steel) (STAG1)
Magic Broom (8) [Disney] – 1BR 1HP 1D6 (SBF2)
Donatello [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles] – 20BR 1HP 1D10 (T61)

After some surprises in the last two rounds, we get a bit more of a predictable outcome here, as the Magic Broom is utterly blown away by the competition. SBF are also down to their last man... uh... Broom.

 

[Leewilson]

For when it's his turn, Charmander should be on 2d6 as well

 

[Oaf]

Round 5:
Werewolf Wolverine [X-Men] – 20BR 2HP+2 {Heavy Armor} 1D12+1D8 (GNC3)
The Bride – 19BR 2HP 1D6 (3DD1)
Professor Xavier [X-Men] – 19BR 2HP 1D6 (equipped with Valyrian Steel) (STAG1)
Magic Broom (9) [Disney] – 1BR 1HP 1D6 (SBF3)
Donatello [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles] – 20BR 1HP 1D10 (T61)

And again, we get the expected outcome here... Magic Broom 9 is also blown away, eliminating SBF from this entirely. All three who took part take 1 damage each, dealing a final blow to both of the brooms and leaving only Zapp Brannigan... and then a random character takes 2HP of damage... with Zapp being the only character left, this falls to him, killing him too. They also lose Normandy Beach...

SBF are out of characters... and with the rule where teams must face a £100,000 fine if they have no characters at the time wages are paid, they cannot afford this either... and this bankrupts them!

The Super Best Friends have been eliminated from 1FF Wars!

Elimination of an entire team, and this war isn't even over yet!

 

[Oaf]

For when it's his turn, Charmander should be on 2d6 as well

Ah yes, forgot the dice get added as well. Amended.

 

[Leewilson]

GNC avoid 5th place:hesk:

 

[Oaf]

Round 6

Werewolf Wolverine [X-Men] – 20BR 2HP+2 {Heavy Armor} 1D12+1D8 (GNC3)
The Bride – 19BR 2HP 1D6 (3DD1)
Professor Xavier [X-Men] – 19BR 2HP 1D6 (equipped with Valyrian Steel) (STAG1)
Donatello [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles] – 20BR 1HP 1D10 (T61)

GNC are living on the edge here, but Wolverine is doing a great job at sticking in there. Instead, another team loses their first character and that character is... The Bride.

Round 7:
Werewolf Wolverine [X-Men] – 20BR 2HP+2 {Heavy Armor} 1D12+1D8 (GNC3)
Charmander [Pokémon] – 20BR 2HP 2D6 (3DD2)
Professor Xavier [X-Men] – 19BR 2HP 1D6 (equipped with Valyrian Steel) (STAG1)
Donatello [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles] – 20BR 1HP 1D10 (T61)

Super powered Charmander enters the fray in place of The Bride. He scored superbly, as did two of the others... but Professor X was an exception, doing very poorly with his BR roll and is eliminated as a result. Team 6 are the only team still on their first character.

 

[Oaf]

Round 8

Werewolf Wolverine [X-Men] – 20BR 2HP+2 {Heavy Armor} 1D12+1D8 (GNC3)
Charmander [Pokémon] – 20BR 2HP 2D6 (3DD2)
Independence Day UFO – 20BR 3HP 1D6 (STAG2)
Donatello [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles] – 20BR 1HP 1D10 (T61)

All big hitters now, with every character in this round having 20BR. Donatello was the only character to really get a respectible score with these BR's in mind, but the worst of the bunch was the UFO... Stags lose their second character in a row. Is this going to go full reverse sheep on them and, after a good start, see them take 3 hits in a row and get eliminated?

Round 9

Werewolf Wolverine [X-Men] – 20BR 2HP+2 {Heavy Armor} 1D12+1D8 (GNC3)
Charmander [Pokémon] – 20BR 2HP 2D6 (3DD2)
Captain America [Avengers] – 20BR 3HP 1D12+1D10 (STAG3)
Donatello [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles] – 20BR 1HP 1D10 (T61)

GNC and STAG are both on the brink right now... but Wolverine and Cap both pulled through here. Donatello has survived since the start... and continues to do so. 3DD join GNC and STAG on the brink of elimination, as Charmander is eliminated.

We now have an interesting situation... if any of GNC, 3DD or STAG lose this next round, they'll be next out. However, with T6 putting their strongest character in first, if they lose this, they may find themselves on a slippery slope... it's all getting very tense

 

[Oaf]

Round 10

Werewolf Wolverine [X-Men] – 20BR 2HP+2 {Heavy Armor} 1D12+1D8 (GNC3)
The Cylons – 20BR 2HP 1D8 (3DD3)
Captain America [Avengers] – 20BR 3HP 1D12+1D10 (STAG3)
Donatello [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles] – 20BR 1HP 1D10 (T61)

For the first time, Team 6 feel the sting of elimination, as Donatello, after putting in an impressive innings in this war surviving until round 10, is finally eliminated. Will T6 be able to hold on to a decent finish with their best character being eliminated?

Round 11

Werewolf Wolverine [X-Men] – 20BR 2HP+2 {Heavy Armor} 1D12+1D8 (GNC3)
The Cylons – 20BR 2HP 1D8 (3DD3)
Captain America [Avengers] – 20BR 3HP 1D12+1D10 (STAG3)
Dutch – 16BR 1HP 1D6 (T62)

Dutch scored ok... but was it going to be enough?

Yes it was.

Another team is eliminated... with the low scorer this time being...

The Cylons! 3DD are out, finishing in 4th place. They suffer no punishment besides the characters taking part taking 1HP of damage, but gain nothing either.

 

[Leewilson]

GNC are going to pull it out when they look dead and buried again aren't they

 

[Oaf]

Round 12

Werewolf Wolverine [X-Men] – 20BR 2HP+2 {Heavy Armor} 1D12+1D8 (GNC3)
Captain America [Avengers] – 20BR 3HP 1D12+1D10 (STAG3)
Dutch – 16BR 1HP 1D6 (T62)

Dutch was at a disadvantage anywhere here with his 16BR and having less dice... but he scored terribly too. Dutch is eliminated, and T6 find themselves on their last man.

Round 13

Werewolf Wolverine [X-Men] – 20BR 2HP+2 {Heavy Armor} 1D12+1D8 (GNC3)
Captain America [Avengers] – 20BR 3HP 1D12+1D10 (STAG3)
Donkey Kong – 12BR 3HP 1D6 (T63)

Round number 13 is certainly going to be unlucky for one team, because somebody is getting eliminated now. And that team is... Team 6. After doing well, I did say that once Donatello was gone they may well struggle to stop themselves from quickly being eliminated... and that has proven to be the case. Donkey Kong falls, and T6 finish in 3rd place. The characters that took part suffer damage, but T6 gain a small fee of £50,000 for their 3rd place finish.

Both GNC and STAG will not suffer HP damage from this war. Whoever wins this next round will gain £1m but no territories, while the loser will gain just £300,000 but will gain Normandy Beach, without taking damage, which is a pretty cool thing. Either way, they're both gaining from this... but who's getting the big MOOLAH?

 

[Oaf]

FINAL ROUND: FIGHT!

Werewolf Wolverine [X-Men] – 20BR 2HP+2 {Heavy Armor} 1D12+1D8 (GNC3)
Captain America [Avengers] – 20BR 3HP 1D12+1D10 (STAG3)

Wolverine scored awfully on his BR... but brilliantly on his dice. Cap scored brilliantly on his BR... and ok on his dice. And in the end, ok was just about enough, as Captain America once again is able to overcome Wolverine and comes up big for STAGS when he's needed the most.

STAGNIFICENT WIN THE WAR!

 

[SUTSS]

Get the fuck in there!

(Great idea for a round btw Oaf. Been sat refreshing frantically for ages)

 

[Oaf]

So...:

GNC
2nd place!
Gain £300,000.
Gain Normandy.

3DD
4th place!
The Bride takes 1HP damage.
Charmander takes 1HP damage.
The Cylons take 1HP damage.

STAG
Won the war!
Gain £1m!

SBF
ARE ELIMINATED FROM 1FF WARS!

T6
3rd place!
Donatello is killed!
Dutch is killed!
Donkey Kong takes 1HP damage.
Gain 50k

 

[MagpieBee]

Take that. Should keep us in it for a little while.

 

[Oaf]

Well, SBF are now officially eliminated. They managed to last about 4 months longer than the last team eliminated, which is pretty great. Lets have a look back at the history of SBF...

In the early days they established themselves as a major powerhouse, mainly through getting Stay Puft with his Zuul ability...a crippling ability for the early stages in the game that saw SBF firmly in control to start with. They made themselves the team to fear. Bowser was an early leader for SBF, an SBF legend from TFF Wars for them, but he never really got going. They seemed to have a knack for getting characters with annoying abilities... things like Kaa and Maleficent with her spinning wheel. And then they managed to annoy everybody through other means as well, namely, tricking people into making dodgy deals and such Yes, SBF did not care if they made themselves out to be the villains.

SBF also had a knack for bringing people back as fucking monstrosities of their former selves. They end the game with that Snow White/Liquid Snake/Cylon thing in their graveyard, as well as a robocop Elsa.

Of course, in the end, it all came down to brooms. Brooms fucking everywhere. And the brooms could not save SBF.

So farewell to SBF. Hope you enjoyed taking part, and we hope to see you take part in 1FF Wars 2 in 2024!

 

[last request]

Thanks Oaf & Munkiki. It was fantastic fun again. Good luck to those left in and may the team that are the biggest bastards win.

 

[Stagat]

Well played LR and Don.

Reckon everyone's been at this for long enough now to deserve a tip of the hat once they go out. You guys were a real threat earlier and remained someone to be wary of even once you weakened - mainly because LR's a cunning bastard I think.

Not strictly sad to see you go but definitely glad you took part.

p.s. let us know when you're done with us so T6 know to get ready for you

 

[last request]

I like to think that we were equal opportunities antagonists, pissing off every team at different stages of the game.

 

[Munkiki]

Some stuff (some missed, some current):

GNC:

Egg hatches into Facehugger – 1BR 1HP 1D4 – £0/£20,000 – None

Xenomorph Queen lays another egg

Professor Chaos was sent out last week, it was missed by us and apparently by everyone else too. Who knows what he got up to? 3DD, if you smell something funny and find rotten sandwiches in your radiators or something, you know who's responsible...

This week, he subjects 3DD to various prank calls. Annoying but they don't think much of it.

(Watch out GLaDOS, Butters is after your ratio!)

3DD:

Tommy Vercetti should've been killed by the Legacy Virus after the War. (3DD lose £90,000 as a result)

STAG:

Super Meat Boy should've been killed by the Legacy Virus after the War. (STAG gain £30,000 as a result)

They buy Rare Candy – £80,000 (gives a character +1BR)


Think that's all up to date now, let me know if anything has been missed.

 

[Leewilson]

Well played SBF. I think you peaked too early with Zuul and made yourself a big target as early pacesetters. You were unlucky also to be the result of some instant kills, namely Link. Although you deserved death for your photoshop deceptions. Still, well played guys considering you were essentially a two man team.

 

[IanH]

Yeah, good effort SBF. Like Lee said, an obvious target from early in the game, with none of the outrageous good like that GNC have got throughout.

We had only good dealings with yourselves.

 

[Spirederman]

Just can't seem to get top side of Cap.

Beware the Facehugger though you bastards.

SBF tribute to follow.

 

[Spirederman]

Yeah, good effort SBF. Like Lee said, an obvious target from early in the game, with none of the outrageous good like that GNC have got throughout.

We had only good dealings with yourselves.

Outrageous luck??

Are you fucking serious??

Hahahaha

 

[Techno Natch]

He meant cheating.

 

[Spirederman]

So, SBF...

I'm personally very sad to see you guys drop out of the game.

Tremendous competitors and as devious as they come.

After being the early pacesetters with Fat Lad and the Zuul ability, everyone seemed to target them as the team to beat.

Now I don't know if it was the threat of our 'silence' power that made them leave us alone with Zuul or not, even after we'd struck the deal with them not to use it on that power. Our idea was to hold onto silence, stick to our word and not use it on them, but keep it there as a deterrent. It seemed to work.

Our dealings with them were very good, and it's always a pleasure to compete with them in this game. They take it as seriously as we do which is great.

I do hope (even after they agreed to join me and Harvs in a 1FF Wars Super Team at the start) that they come again as SBF in the 2089 edition of Wars.

So yeah, to end...

A massive hats off to both Rammy and Cards for pushing the rest of the teams this far after LR and Don's complete lack of effort.

 

[IanH]

Outrageous luck??

Are you fucking serious??

Hahahaha

Yes, despite my typo you read that right. You must have won about 4 bonus rounds, each of which saved you from almost certain elimination. Huge luck.

You bitch and whine at every perceived injustice (I'm fully aware you're playing up to a character), and are the first to complain if you spot an inaccuracy, yet didn't have the integrity to tell anyone you had been awarded an astray 30k which just about kept you alive. Upon it being discovered you then bitched and moaned into having the chance to keep all your roster, and somehow Wolverine got you through this last round in 2nd place.

 

[Spirederman]

We didn't notice, or we would have said something.

We won most of the bonuses due to Trevor being the biggest hitter in the game for a long time, not just through luck, and it's only the last 3/4 game weeks we've been anywhere near being eliminated so I'm not sure you're factually correct.

Luck plays a part in this but we've had more bad than other teams too so can't see what you're complaining about.

I think or hope Oaf/Munks will testify we've always been honest and upfront in our group PM and would have been regarding the 30k if we'd noticed.

I'm also certainly not playing up to any 'Character' that you perceive. Those that have taken part in games with me previously will know that this is me being me.

In short..

Fuck off.